Corrupt a Wish

[jinzo64]

Granted but you can't open the door because it opend inwards.

I wish not to have to sleep ever again.

[HaarTheDragonlord]

Granted but you can't open the door because it opend inwards.

I can get a battering ram and break it down. Or I could just use some small explosives.

I wish not to have to sleep ever again.

Granted, but then you become quite restless and wander the Earth bored.

I wish I could drive.

[Ghost]

Granted, though you are the WORST DRIVER IN THE HISTORY OF MAN KIND (that is also your bumper sticker)

I wish I had a turtle.

[HaarTheDragonlord]

Granted, but it moves too slowly to interest you.

I wish I had heat vision like Superman.

[Ken-Chan]

Granted, but because you lacked the superior body of Superman you proceed to burn your retinas and go blind.

I wish i had some jerky

[HaarTheDragonlord]

Granted, but it's too salty and you become dehydrated.

I wish I was a swordsman on par with Anakin Skywalker.

[Ken-Chan]

Granted, you swordsman skill is on par with a 9yr old engineer

I wish my thirst to be quenched

[HaarTheDragonlord]

Granted, but it's quenched by a beverage you don't like, thus leaving a bad taste in your mouth.

I wish I had the speed, strength, and aim of Motoko Kusanagi.

[adzman]

Granted, but you don't have her quick wits, so when you get shot in the head, you actually die.

I wish I had more cowbell.

[HaarTheDragonlord]

Granted, but you are give a broken cowbell that doesn't make any noise.

I wish I had the money to make my own suit of powered armor similar to the suits seen in Starship Troopers.

[jinzo64]

Granted but it breaks after 2 hours of use.

I wish I could find true love.

[HaarTheDragonlord]

Granted, but then you'll realize that all of that true love nonsense is just in your head. Love is a product of fairy tale books and is presented as something eternal, illogical, without strings attached, and unconditioned, yet we have high divorce rates. Love wouldn't wain but tolerance would. Therefore, tolerance is the only thing keeping "lovers" together.

I wish I'd stop quoting N.P.C.C. so much.

[adzman]

Granted, but to fill the void you start quoting Pauly Shore movies.

I wish I were big.

[HaarTheDragonlord]

Granted, but you're too big and can never find enough food to satisfy you, thus leading to your death by starvation. (You were the size of a three story building, by the way.)

I wish I were happy.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted... But you're so happy that everyone hates you because you're too happy.

I wish bitches really did love cannons.