[thedarkmessenger]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XoS6HT0axq4

I'm also thinking of uploading the video in the directory, just in case youtube calls copyright :P

[mattroks101]

Awesome :D

[Kira2521]

Now to wait a few weeks for the episode to load on my computer

[LOLWTFBBQ]

how old is the girl for that voice acting?

http://img849.imageshack.us/img849/5228/pl****bear.png (http://img849.imageshack.us/i/pl****bear.png/)

[humnut]

Kay, hate to be a party pooper, and this is just constructive criticism, but the lack of background noises is unnerving. There needs to be sound FX for things like putting the cellphone down and footsteps. Some ambient noise for the outside areas would be nice to. Your opening sequence needs some work as well. And like an amv, you should try and stay away from repeating scenes. Oh, and the voice actors need to have a little more emotion, more like they are there, not just reading some lines. Remember y'all, don't be embarrassed to do some funny accents or to try and have fun with it. That's just me nit picking.

Now for the good part, there were some jokes that were frickin' hilarious! The part with Nanoha's dad and the dog had me cracking up! The writing is good, and there are times when the VA's deliver well. It has potential, I'll give it that, it's just rough around the edges.

I hope that this was helpful, and I'm not trying to be mean or anything. That's the last thing I want to be. Just giving an honest opinion. And, just to throw it in there, I'm willing to help edit for you if you need it. n_n

[mattroks101]

I agree with your first part about the lack of noise. But I was just re-editing it and I didn't want to change that kind of stuff for fear it might mess something up.



how old is the girl for that voice acting?


Much older then you'd think.

[Evileel]

Lol, lots of funny voices :D
And yes, adding some ambient background music for the following eps would be an improvement.

[Backmask]

I'm just glad to see the Powerpuff Girls theme song as the opening song.

[thedarkmessenger]

Kay, hate to be a party pooper, and this is just constructive criticism, but the lack of background noises is unnerving. There needs to be sound FX for things like putting the cellphone down and footsteps. Some ambient noise for the outside areas would be nice to. Your opening sequence needs some work as well. And like an amv, you should try and stay away from repeating scenes. Oh, and the voice actors need to have a little more emotion, more like they are there, not just reading some lines. Remember y'all, don't be embarrassed to do some funny accents or to try and have fun with it. That's just me nit picking.

Now for the good part, there were some jokes that were frickin' hilarious! The part with Nanoha's dad and the dog had me cracking up! The writing is good, and there are times when the VA's deliver well. It has potential, I'll give it that, it's just rough around the edges.

I hope that this was helpful, and I'm not trying to be mean or anything. That's the last thing I want to be. Just giving an honest opinion. And, just to throw it in there, I'm willing to help edit for you if you need it. n_n
Thank you for the constructive criticism. I'll keep those things in mind with episode 2 onwards. Not sure where I'll get the background noises, but I'll come up with something!

*edit* also, a little warning. I'll be at my mother's house this weekend, so I won't be able to start work on episode 2 until Monday :|. I did get the script written up already, so I'll send everyone their lines later.

[Chillpalazzo]

Pretty good. But I do have some constructive feedback:

It seems a little bit like you went from scene to scene to shorten it up. I would suggest doing what other abridge series do and almost make your own storyline but stay tied to the real one.

Also, there's no point of leaving out the cursing :P. Most don't want to hear "What. The. heck." They want "What. The. ****.

[Evileel]

Not sure where I'll get the background noises

Steal it from your game folder. Usually you can find something like this there:
C:\Games\Mortal Kombat 4\System\Sounds\FX\death_scream.ogg

Or try to google for some sound boards.
However such things like the sound of falling cellphone, you can easily record yourself.

[XelaisPWN]

Or, if you want to stay legal, google "royalty free sound effects." You may have to pay for some of 'em, though. :P

[vejtornado]

just finished watching it. was awesome. was expecting the pokemon evolution sound but guiles theme worked as well

[thedarkmessenger]

Also, there's no point of leaving out the cursing :P. Most don't want to hear "What. The. heck." They want "What. The. ****.

Well some of the people recording don't want to swear. And frankly, I don't really see it as "necessary", either. It's kinda sad, actually, how we live in such a society :|

[Backmask]

It's kinda sad, actually, how we live in such a society :|

I disagree.

[animemental1]

I disagree.

Look who's suddenly thinking of the children.

[Evileel]

Indeed. Today people are thirsty for dirty talk and kinky jokes.

[humnut]

Thank you for the constructive criticism. I'll keep those things in mind with episode 2 onwards. Not sure where I'll get the background noises, but I'll come up with something!

*edit* also, a little warning. I'll be at my mother's house this weekend, so I won't be able to start work on episode 2 until Monday :|. I did get the script written up already, so I'll send everyone their lines later.

Well, it's nice to here somebody on the web take criticism without a "**** you ass face,"
and don't worry about the swearing, you can be funny without it, you just have to work harder.

[Backmask]

Look who's suddenly thinking of the children.

You seem to be confuzzled.
Messenger stated that it's sad that we live in a world where using curse words are the only way to make something funny.
I disagreed with that.
So if kids want to hear more curse words, then, yes, I'm thinking of the children.

[Guthix]

ive watched 3 minutes and i came to a conclusion its horible
im not trolling ,maybe my sence of humor ir naping cuz i came back after work but i was more amused by matts paradise project.

[Zuiichi]

its so corny its funny :P

[MADEVIL]

Entertaining, keep up the good work

[mattroks101]

i was more amused by matts paradise project.

Huh, really? I'm surprised. I suppose this kind of thing really isn't your style anyway.
Edit: As far as swearing is concerned DearSister202 says that she will not bend on her no swearing policy. If you guys want to hear swearing your gonna have to find a new leading lady.

[Guthix]

you can laways make a swear taking a few letter sounds and gluing em[quality depends on you]

[thedarkmessenger]

^too much work involved, and not really worth it.

[mattroks101]

you can laways make a swear taking a few letter sounds and gluing em[quality depends on you]

Wait do you not like it just because there is no swearing? Because that would be a really lame reason to hate something. (Just saying >_>)



don't worry about the swearing, you can be funny without it, you just have to work harder.

I wasn't aware swearing actually made anything funny. Swearing is usually just a cheap cop out for those who don't have good jokes. A good comedian can be funny without swearing.

[thedarkmessenger]

^THIS!

[Evileel]

A good comedian can be funny without swearing.

But we are not so good comedians. Just average ones. So swearing and cheap kinky jokes are mandatory for us :D

[Chillpalazzo]

It's not that you absolutely need swearing, but it feels like you're censoring out where swears would be. It's not THAT big of a deal though :P

[XelaisPWN]

But the best comedians can use swearing to their advantage. Like Carlin.

Carlin analyzed swearing and its place in society often in his routines, which I believe made him a better comedian than those who are funny sans swearing and leagues better than those who use swearing to make themselves seem funnier.

But none of that matters. Words are words. No words are better or worse than other words... they're all just words. There is no reason one combination of sounds is any better or any worse than another combination of sounds unless you MAKE it better or worse. It's on you, buddy.

Anyway (I feel like I'm contradicting myself a lot here, but who cares, I'm condensing my opinion xD) I have to agree with Chill. "What the heck" sounds awkward and forced. Hell, even "The crap?" would sound more naturally, and (as far as I know, I can't keep track of these damn rules ._.;) doesn't use a swear word.

[Chillpalazzo]

Oh, and one more thing, you might wanna do the whole "Nanoha is owned by blah blah blah support the official release" stuff.

[thedarkmessenger]

^I sorta did...in the description :P. I don't know who all owns Nanoha, though D:. Need to research that for episode 2 :P

[Chewi105]

hey, dark, i just got the 3ds and i found out i could record things pretty decently, and i can add cool affects, like tone change, straight on the ds. is that fine for recording?

[thedarkmessenger]

^if it works, sure :P

[mattroks101]

Well like I said if you want swearing your gonna have to find someone else to play the role because my sister never EVER swears. Crap and suck are as close as she ever comes and she doesn't use them very often. We can fake swear maybe, by censoring out the word without ever saying it. ( If you know what I mean.)

[humnut]

Well like I said if you want swearing your gonna have to find someone else to play the role because my sister never EVER swears. Crap and suck are as close as she ever comes and she doesn't use them very often. We can fake swear maybe, by censoring out the word without ever saying it. ( If you know what I mean.)

That's actually what I was going to suggest, by saying something like "What the chuck," or something similar, and bleeping the "chuck" would make it sound like swearing. BUT, if you don't want swearing in your series, than that's fine. It is your own Copyrighted creation, and what ever YOU want to do is all that matters. Your not going to please every single person, so don't worry about it. For me, if the jokes are funny without swearing, then why would you need it.

Also, Mattroks, what dose your sister consider 'swearing'? I'm not expecting a '****' in there at all, seeing as the anime is about 9 year-olds, but dose she consider 'Hell' a word. Just for future reference, what dose she consider crossing the line?

Oh, and just for the record, your sis did a better job voicing than Christina Valenzuela, I hate the English dub.

AAANNNNNNDDDD, one final note. Magical Lyrical Girl is owned by Akiyuki Shinbo (I think), Seven Arcs, Geneon Entertainment and Funimation Entertainment. That's all the research you need....

[humnut]

Forgot to ask, anybody else surprised that this spawned off of a H Game? I know it's common, but it just kinda surprised me a bit...

[Guthix]

Wait do you not like it just because there is no swearing? Because that would be a really lame reason to hate something. (Just saying >_>)




I wasn't aware swearing actually made anything funny. Swearing is usually just a cheap cop out for those who don't have good jokes. A good comedian can be funny without swearing.

no i didint like it because the swears were lame it was just a sugestion for alternative since the voice actors dont want to risk being blackmailed.as for what xela said even thought in one point his words are correct making diferent sounds still makes up "imagine" something and they are good or bad but thats not realy important.the fact that you TRY to swear and make it a weak one is screaming of failure [well i cant put in decenter words... its more like you step in a peace of **** kind of matter],so either remove the swears or make them decent.
i dont know why i dont like this,maybe i need to watch the anime or something... it just doesnt even make me smile.

[mattroks101]

Also, Mattroks, what dose your sister consider 'swearing'? I'm not expecting a '****' in there at all, seeing as the anime is about 9 year-olds, but dose she consider 'Hell' a word. Just for future reference, what dose she consider crossing the line?



Anything over heck, She's REALLY strict when it comes to language. It is a sin in her eyes to swear and she doesn't want to sin. But I suppose that isn't really important.


it just doesnt even make me smile.

Hey no problem, it's not for everyone.



Forgot to ask, anybody else surprised that this spawned off of a H Game?

Not at all.