[Ken-Chan]

this is just where u post ur jokes so we can get a good laugh

guess i'll start off :P

What's better than 100 babies in a bucket. 1 baby in 100 buckets
Whats the different between 100 babies and a Porche. I dont have a Porche in my garage
Whats the difference between snowmen and snowgirls. snow balls

hope u like hope more to come

[Issitheus]

A guy walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"

Yeah thats the only one i can think of right now.

[abyssion1337]

gotta love teh dead babies, but here's a classic for you

what do Dale Earnhardt and Pink Floyd have in common?

Their last big hit was the wall.

[Issitheus]

Ok why did the dead baby cross the road?



It was stapled to the chicken.

[abyssion1337]

how do you save a drowning baby?

with a harpoon

[SS_nyuu911_SS]

a black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
bartender asks, "hey where did u get that?"
The parrot replies, "What him? O we got tons of these over in africa"

[Shooterman]

How do you fit 5 Jews into a 4-door sedan?



4 get the seats...


1 goes in the ashtray.

[DaMetzger]

What's the difference between a couple having sex on a beach and american beer?
There's no difference. Both are ****ing close to water.

[Marco_1989]

Comedy Central's Joke of The Day

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.
He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"

The man in the car says "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue."

The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."

"Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.

The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.

"Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo."

"Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach."



What's the difference between a couple having sex on a beach and american beer?
There's no difference. Both are ****ing close to water.


lol ;D

[Adjacent Badger]

What's the favourite car among American fire fighters, ambulance drivers, rescue workers and policemen?

...Porche 9-1-1 of course...









What about Al Qaeda terrorists then?
...they go for Porche 9/11 too...

[Useful]

Okay, lawyer joke time!

How do you save a lawyer from drowning?

Take your foot off his head.


What do call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start.

Blond joke time!

There are two blonds standing on opposite sides of a river. One shouts to the other: "How do you get to the other side?!?"

The other shouts back: "You're already there!"


There's a blond walking down the sidewalk. She sees a brunette jumping up and down on the railroad tracks, chanting "24, 24, 24, 24..."
The blond walks up and says "What are you doing?"
The brunette, still jumping, says "I don't know, but it's fun. Want to join me?"
The blond says "Okay" and starts jumping alongside, chanting "24, 24,..."
A train comes, and at the last second, the brunette jumps away. The blond, completely entranced, is wiped clean off the track.
The brunette then gets back on the tracks and starts jumping up and down, chanting "25, 25, 25..."


That's all I got for now.

[SS_nyuu911_SS]

how do u stop a blondes eyes from twinkling?
stop shining the fashlight in her ears

[Useful]

how do u stop a blondes eyes from twinkling?
stop shining the fashlight in her ears

I loled!

[DaMetzger]

Why do blondes have no pubic hair?
Because grass can't grow on a highway.

[Ionzorg]

*Catharine Hepburn laugh* Ah HA, HA, HA.

Also, like the new thread, good idea. Now I just have to think of a joke...Okay, got one:

Three blondes are walking in the desert, and they come upon a magic lamp. They pick it up and rub it, and of course a genie comes out. The genie says that each of them may now be granted one wish.

The first blonde says that she would like to be smarter than the other blondes, and poof! She becomes a brunette.

The second blonde says that she would like to be smarter than the brunette, and poof! She becomes a redhead.

The third blonde says that she would like to be smarter than both the brunette and the redhead put together, and poof! She becomes a man.

[abyssion1337]

do any of you mind racist jokes, cause if you're offended by that stuff I won't post them

[1337uvis]

i don't think anyone here can be offended in any way more than they had been at some point already.
A Jew at the market:
- how much is this chicken?
- 10 dollars.
- Eight, you say? looks more like the on for 6 dollars. Ann, go home, get 4 dollars, pay 2 for the chicken, and wait for change.

[Issitheus]

do any of you mind racist jokes, cause if you're offended by that stuff I won't post them

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y72/Rydet/STFU-Communist_Nazi_Jew.gif

[1337uvis]

do any of you mind racist jokes, cause if you're offended by that stuff I won't post them

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y72/Rydet/STFU-Communist_Nazi_Jew.gif


BEST....PIC.... EVER!

[abyssion1337]

how many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, that's a black guys job

[1337uvis]

how many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. Let them cry in the dark.

What would happen if we put five emos in a dark room? One would kill itself because there would be no corners left.

[SS_nyuu911_SS]

haha.
Stoopid Emos.

[DaMetzger]

Why don't emos have girlfriends?
Cause girls don't need another pussy.

Oh! I've just remembered the sickest joke EVER. I'm not responsible for this - I'm just a messanger :P
What's the best thing about having sex with a baby?
The sound of the pelvis breaking.

[SS_nyuu911_SS]

Thats really effin sick man.

Little jimmy goes to bed. After an hour of sleep he wakes up and heres screaming. He goes to his parents room but his mom just says "Go back to sleep. Little Jimmy goes bak to bed. But later he heard screams again so he goes to his parents room. But his dad says "Its nothing just go to bed". So he goes bak to bed. But ONCE AGAIN he hears screaming and goes to his parents room. Both his parents say "GO TO BED ITS NOTHING". In the morning jimmy goes to his mom and says "I know what you were doing last night". His mom replies, "Oh, and what were we doing?". Jimmy ponders and says. "I'm pretty sure you were baking a cake becuz i licked the icing off the sheets this morning"

EWWWWWWW

[abyssion1337]

What's the best thing about having sex with a baby?
The sound of the pelvis breaking.

The worst part is getting the blood stains out of the clown costume.

[SS_nyuu911_SS]

gross.

[S.ifr]

The worst part is getting the blood stains out of the clown costume.

Just reminded me.
What's funnier than a dead baby ?
A dead baby in a clown costume.

[SS_nyuu911_SS]

THAT is funny

[Jazean]

just wow... i don't think i can top those, but i can hit in that ball-park.

why does it suck to be a black jew?

you have to sit in the back of the oven.

[Ken-Chan]

hey i forgot about this old thing

well i got some CHUCK NORRIS JOKES

chuck norris's penis is so big that it has a penis of it's own and it's still bigger than yours

when chuck norris does a push up he doesn't push himslef up he push's the world down

chuck norris was asked the time he said 2 secs till. the man said 2 secs until wat then chuck norris roundhouse kicked him in the head

when chuck norris jumps into a pool he doesn't get wet the water gets chuck norris

chuck norris doesn't read books he stares them down until he gets the information

[acutekat]

whats one of the funnest thing to do with a dead baby



shoot it out of a cannon



know what more fun >:)


stopping it with a shovel

[1337uvis]

yu kno wha even mo fun? Speking non-chinese english!
Ok a longie:
A guy comes to a shop manager and says:
- Can i be a salesman?
- Do you have any experience?
- No, but i feel like i'm gonna do a really good job!
The manager thinks to himself: "Oh well, it's the weekend, what could happen" and says:
-OK, you have a trial time for the weekend.
On monday the manager comes and sees that everything has been sold, the shelves are empty and the profits are in the tens of thousands. He asks the new salesman:
- How did you do it?
He answers:
- Well, this guy came to buy a fishing rod, and then i said: well, are you going to fish while standing? Buy a fishing chair. But who fishes from the shore! Get a boat. but who wants to row! Get a motor for your boat. Oh and you will need a better car to tow it to the lake, buy this jeep right here... and so on and so on and there you go.
The manager says:
-I don't believe you...
- Oh the man said he'd be back tomorrow, you can ask him.
The next day the man comes to the shop and the manager asks him:
-Did you really come only for a fishing rod and buy all the stuff?
- Well, actually i came to buy my wife a pack of tampons, and your f@cking salesman says: "Well, your weekend is ****ed anyways, why not go fishing?"

another one:

A Russian, an Englishman and a Lithuanian are flying on a plane. While they're flying over England the englishman drops a box of silver and yells: "I love you, my homeland!" and when they're flying over Russia the russian drops a box of gold and yells "I love you motherland!" when they're flying over Lithuania the lithuanian yells "I hate you fatherland!" and drops a bomb.
Later the englishman is walking through England and sees a woman crying. He asks her what happened.
-Well, a box of silver dropped from the sky and killed my husband...but at least i'm rich now.
The russian is walking through russia and sees a woman crying and asks her what happened.
-Well, a box of gold dropped from the sky and killed my husband, but at least im rich now.
The Lithuanian is walking through Lithuania and sees a bum laughing his ass off. He asks him what's so funny. The bum replies:
- Well, i farted and the church blew up!


Happy laughing lol :D it was rather hard to translate tehese from lithuanian into english and i guess a part of the funnyness is lost but they're still good ones

[abyssion1337]

Why don't emos have girlfriends?
Cause girls don't need another pussy.

Oh! I've just remembered the sickest joke EVER. I'm not responsible for this - I'm just a messanger :P
What's the best thing about having sex with a baby?
The sound of the pelvis breaking.

actually the best part is that you can get deepthroat from both ends

[DaMetzger]

What's a jewish kid doing on top of a chimney in Auschwitz?

Waiting for his parents.

[1337uvis]

a poster in a concentration camp:
"Today ant 5 pm there will be a dance. The machinegunner Klaus will spin his newest "disc" " :D

[Ionzorg]

What's the best thing about having sex with a baby?
The sound of the pelvis breaking.


...Shock and horror. If only there was an emoticon for my distress.

[SS_nyuu911_SS]

Why don't emos have girlfriends?
Cause girls don't need another pussy.

Oh! I've just remembered the sickest joke EVER. I'm not responsible for this - I'm just a messanger :P
What's the best thing about having sex with a baby?
The sound of the pelvis breaking.

actually the best part is that you can get deepthroat from both ends


holy crap.

[Jazean]

A comparison between Heaven and Hell

Heaven: An American salary. A British home. Chinese food. A Japanese wife.
The English run the hotels.
The Swiss are the police.
The Germans fix the cars.

Hell: A Chinese salary. A Japanese home. British food. An American wife.
The French run the hotels.
The Germans are the police.
The Italians fix the cars.

Both: Americans run the army. Whether they do it right or not, they are the only ones who will take the job.

[Ellen Feiss]

this might be a lil old but its still funny ok here we go

in a pre-k this boy and girl are in the bathroom the girl looks over and so does the boy they both ask each other whats that?
they go home, the boy asked his dad "dad whats this" drops his pants his dad says thats ur lemo if u park it in a girl garage it should fit.
the girl goes home and asked her dad "dad wats this" drops her pants her dad says thats ur garage dont let a lemo park there.
the next day the same kids are in the bathroom again and ask wats that to each other...again
the girl goes home with blood all over her hands the mom askes wat happend?
the girl says a boy tried to park his lemo in my garage so i rip his wheels off

painful yes funny hell yea lol

[SS_nyuu911_SS]

this might be a lil old but its still funny ok here we go

in a pre-k this boy and girl are in the bathroom the girl looks over and so does the boy they both ask each other whats that?
they go home, the boy asked his dad "dad whats this" drops his pants his dad says thats ur lemo if u park it in a girl garage it should fit.
the girl goes home and asked her dad "dad wats this" drops her pants her dad says thats ur garage dont let a lemo park there.
the next day the same kids are in the bathroom again and ask wats that to each other...again
the girl goes home with blood all over her hands the mom askes wat happend?
the girl says a boy tried to park his lemo in my garage so i rip his wheels off

painful yes funny hell yea lol


haha thats a good one. but im to sad to laugh.

[Adjacent Badger]

A comparison between Heaven and Hell

Heaven: An American salary. A British home. Chinese food. A Japanese wife.
The English run the hotels.
The Swiss are the police.
The Germans fix the cars.

Hell: A Chinese salary. A Japanese home. British food. An American wife.
The French run the hotels.
The Germans are the police.
The Italians fix the cars.

Both: Americans run the army. Whether they do it right or not, they are the only ones who will take the job.


In Heaven, the French would also do the cooking, while Italians has no place there.

[Useful]

I beg to disagree Badger. The Italians would make the coffee :D

[SS_nyuu911_SS]

How do you know when your girlfriends getting fat.

She can fit your wifes clothes.

[Useful]

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

2, if shove 'em in tight enough.

[DaMetzger]

Why do dogs lick their balls?

Because they can.

[SS_nyuu911_SS]

How do you know that your wife is gettin fat?

When your ears start to pop when your on top of her.

[Issitheus]

Knock knock

[Marco_1989]

Who's there?? ^^

[Issitheus]

I've been fond of thinking about killing myself.

[SS_nyuu911_SS]

o ok ::)

[Issitheus]

-_-

[SS_nyuu911_SS]

lmao. :D

[DaMetzger]

o ok ::)

You spoiled the fun. Imma gonna slap you! >:]
;)


I've been fond of thinking about killing myself.

I've been kind of thinking about killing myself who?

[Issitheus]

*shoots self in head*

[DaMetzger]

*shoots self in head*

....I don't get it.
;D

[SS_nyuu911_SS]

shoots self in head who?

[Ellen Feiss]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=olm7xC-gBMY&feature=related

[Issitheus]

oh i get it... this guy's a joke...

[abyssion1337]

http://youtube.com/watch?v=kVy-gaEKG5M&feature=user

[Ionzorg]

Funny video...it's the one with the dad molestation, correct?

[Issitheus]

no. but that one's funny. watch it.

[abyssion1337]

yes it has the dad molestation

[Useful]

How do you save a lawyer from drowning?

Take your foot off his head.

[S.ifr]

"You've got to see what your baby is doing!" shouted the doctor as he burst out of the delivery room and into the waiting room. "What?!" yelled the child's father as he leapt to his feet. "He's literally FLYING around the delivery room! Here, I'll show you!" replied the doctor as he shot back into the delivery room. A few seconds later, he emerged with the baby in his arms. "Watch!" he shouted and tossed the baby into the air. The baby landed on the tile with a thud. "What the Hell?!" the guy started to shout, but the doctor interrupted with, "No, wait, watch this!" and he scooped the baby up and threw him harder. WHAM! The baby bounced off the wall and plopped to the floor, again. "Oh, my God!" shouted the man, and started to grab at the doctor. "No! He was doing it earlier," protested the doctor, "Watch this!" He again scooped the baby up, flung open the waiting room window and hurled the baby four stories down where it splattered onto the sidewalk. Enraged, the man clutched at the doctor's throat and pinned him against the wall. "WHAT IN THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO TO MY BABY?!?!" He screamed. "Relax," laughed the doctor, "It was a stillborn."

[the reel joey bevilacqua]

a guy walks into a bar and sees a bowl of peanuts. every time he eats a peanut it says something nice to him. he asks the bartender "wuts with these peanuts?" and the bartender says "they're complimentary!"
:D :D

[Issitheus]

My dog has no nose.

[Luppi-tan]

There were a bunch of penguins wearing red scarves, but one was wearing a blue scarf. the moral of the story is never give scarves to penguins. It just doesn't serve any purpose but to piss them off.

[Luppi-tan]

I got one. How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

[Issitheus]

3?

[Pink_Nipple]

Check this one-(dont shure about the spelling)

How much wood would a woodchuck chuk if the woodchuck could chuck wood?

[Luppi-tan]

no. two. One to hold the lightbulb in the socket and one to drink until the room spins.
How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb?

[Luppi-tan]

Check this one-(dont shure about the spelling)

How much wood would a woodchuck chuk if the woodchuck could chuck wood?


A woodchuck would chuck all the wood he could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

[Issitheus]

How many Chuck Norrises does it take to screw in a light bulb?

[Useful]

How many Chuck Norrises does it take to screw in a light bulb?

THERE IS ONLY ONE! (I'm pretty sure that's the right answer)

[Marco_1989]

Two old guys, Abe and Sol, are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, like they do every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there's baseball in heaven?"
Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal: if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."

They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on. One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol..."

Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"

"Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost.

Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in heaven?"

"Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news."

"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.

Abe says, "Well... there is baseball in heaven."

Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?"

Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."

[abyssion1337]

42

[Useful]

42

Abys! You spammed! I'm ashamed of you!

[Marco_1989]

42

Abys! You spammed! I'm ashamed of you!

You're not really on-topic yourself now :P

My joke, for you, Useful:

"I don't think you are an idiot. But then, what's my own humble opinion against thousands of others?"

[Useful]

^ Nice ;D. I have to use that on someone. And the baseball one was brilliant!

I guess I should stick a joke in here too.

How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

4. One to do it and 3 to tell everyone they could have done it better.


And another!

How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

2. One to do it and one not to do it.

[Marco_1989]

^ Nice ;D. I have to use that on someone. And the baseball one was brilliant!

haha lol. Thanks ;D I got another one just for you:

I don't hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement

[Useful]

I don't hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement

Hmm... though funny, it's also kind of long-winded: you couldn't just spew all that at someone before they interrupted you.

Alright, another:

A truck driver is going down the highway on just another job. He's whistling to himself as he drives along when he notices a traveling priest on the side of the road trying to thumb a ride.

Being a kind man, he picks up the priest. They chat for a while, but eventually lapse into silence.

The driver sees another man on the side of the road. It's a traveling attorney. Being the kind man he is, he slowly aims his truck toward the lawyer, accelerating as he goes. At the last second he realizes "Wait! I have a priest in the car! Crap!" and he swerves out of the way.

There's a SLAM! and the driver looks over to the priest, saying "I'm sorry father, I forgot that you were in the truck"

The priest smiles and says, "Don't worry, I got him with my door."

[Marco_1989]

^ haha ;D http://www.greginthedesert.net/files/page0_blog_entry1084_1.jpg

And I don't think my last 'joke' is to long :P Another:

Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? I'll arrange it with the undertaker.

[Useful]

And I don't think my last 'joke' is to long

True in TEXT format, but it'd be hard to use in conversation.

Another? Let me see...

There's this burgler checking out a house. It's affluent, in the suburbs, and loaded with antiques. What's more, he's figured out that the couple that lives there goes out on Friday night until 11 PM without exception.

One night, he goes for it. He lowers himself quietly through the window and starts to creep toward the living room. As he's stalking towards the mantelpiece, a voice comes out of nowhere:

"Jesus is watching you!"

He freezes and looks around fervently, looking for the source. After 3 minutes of silence, he resumes his movement.

"Jesus is watching you!"

He stops again, looking around wildly but seeing nothing. Finally after 15 minutes, he starts moving again.

"Jesus is watching you!"

At this, the thief decides he's had enough. He dives for the light switch as he pulls his gun and whips around to find a parrot in a cage at the other end of the room. The man relaxes:

"Hah! You're just a parrot."

The parrot replies,

"Yes, but Jesus is a Doberman Pinscher"

[S.ifr]

You know what's really gross ?
A pile of dead babies.

[Issitheus]

You know what's even grosser?

Your mom's pussy.

[Useful]

You know what's even grosser?

Your mom's pussy.

That's not nice! And I didn't really lol...

Oh well.

Dead baby joke time~! (You brought this upon yourself, Sam!)

What's blue and squirms in a corner?

A baby with a plastic bag on it's head.

What's red and squirms in a corner?

A baby with a razor blade.

What's green and sits in a corner?

A baby that's been dead for two weeks.

[S.ifr]

You know what's even grosser?

Your mom's pussy.

I didn't know you were gay.


Anyway, what's grosser than a pile of dead babies ?
The live one on the bottom eating it's way to the top.

[Marco_1989]

^ Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that's the best friend you can get.

[Luppi-tan]

I got one.
A woman sees an old man sitting on his porch in front of his house, whistling merrily as he watches the world go by. The woman, wondering what his secret to such longevity is, goes up to him and asks, "what did you do in life that made you live so long?" The man replied, "Well, dear... Every day, I drank a bottle of wine, smoked two packs of cigarettes, had bacon and egs for breakfast and all the fatty foods that I wanted."
"Wow!" the woman says. "And, how old are you?"
"I'm 21."

[Marco_1989]

^ Haha ;D Nice

I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed; so he had you thrown out of his office.

[1337uvis]

The press heard that deep within the russian taiga lives a 140-year old man. They rushed to them and asked him:
-What is the secret to your log life?
-Well, i never smoked, never drank any alcohol....
-Then whose are those cigarrette butts and vodka bottles?
-Oh, my dad always forgets to pick them up. Father, come here and get your bottles!

[Luppi-tan]

I don't get it.

[Pink_Nipple]

Haha. :D Another Old Russian Joke?

[Marco_1989]

The press heard that deep within the russian taiga lives a 140-year old man. They rushed to them and asked him:
-What is the secret to your log life?
-Well, i never smoked, never drank any alcohol....
-Then whose are those cigarrette butts and vodka bottles?
-Oh, my dad always forgets to pick them up. Father, come here and get your bottles!



I don't get it.

You really don't have a good day today huh? :P Its about a 140-year old man, and in the end he calls for his father. Meaning that he is still alive as well, and much older ^^

[Pink_Nipple]

You dont get it too. :D The meaning is that you can live that long even drinking and smoking etc. :D Its another old Russian Joke i told you. :D

[Marco_1989]

You dont get it too. :D The meaning is that you can live that long even drinking and smoking etc. :D Its another old Russian Joke i told you. :D

Yeah. Alright :P But I think I was right to.... ^_^ lol ;D

[Ionzorg]

(Warning: We may have already addressed this, but this post contains offensive humour. Be warned.)

Why was 6 afraid of 7?



































Because 7 was a ******.

[abyssion1337]

no that's wrong it cause 7 nailed a dead baby to a tree

[S.ifr]

what's grosser than a pile of dead babies ?
The live one on the bottom eating it's way to the top.

What's grosser than that ?
It going back for seconds.

[Ionzorg]

What's grosser than that? It exploding from eating too many dead babies, and having baby innards and other baby innards splattering the walls.

[S.ifr]

What's grosser than that ?
A survivor eating the remains.

[Ionzorg]

What's grosser than that?

The 2G1C girls coming in, ****ting everywhere, and the survivor continuing to eat anyway.

[DaMetzger]

A guy entering a park sees a sign: "WARNING! Gay people!" Being very tolerant he continues to walk, but he stumbles upon another sign saying "It's not too late. You can still turn around and leave". Now that's just a bad joke - thought the man to himself and went on without giving it a second thought. Then he saw a small sign on the grass. The print was too small to read so he had to bend over to get a better look. The sign read:
T..oOOOOOOoo.. late!

[1337uvis]

*WARNING - basic German is required*
In the 2nd World War the Germans trained two of their best agents to infiltrate Great Britain's MI5 (intelligence agency). They briefed them on everybody they knew and taught them English until they spoke perfectly.
When they were air-lifted in they went to a bar to celebrate. One of them comes to the bartender and says in perfect English:
-Two Martinis please.
The bartender asks:
-Dry?
-Nein, zwei!

And another one, actually a true story.
The British in the 2nd world war made a double of Hitler in order to infiltrate into Germany and cause confusion in the leadership. Ofcourse because of the need of secrecy he flew to Germany in his private jet alone. Unfortunately there were engine problems and he crashed. Luckily he survived, but had no idea where he was (since he flew in the night-time) so he figured that he might be in the Nazi-occupied territory, if not Germany, then at least France. He decided to act as Hitler in order to escape. He spotted a bar nearby, went into the bar, looking as Hitler, raise his hand, opened the door and shouted fro mthe bottom of his lungs "Heil Hitler!" ....




















He was in the outskirts of Birmingham.

[DaMetzger]

The Americans trained a secret agent to infiltrate the USSR. They taught him perfect russian, taught him all the traditional dances, made him eat the food so he could get used to it, they even made him drink astronomical amounts of vodka so he could outdrink almost anyone. Then they dropped him on a parachute somewhere in Syberia to check if he's good enough.
The agent landed and went to the nearest tavern to check his skills. He started drinking, dancing and singing with the locals. But then an older lady says (imagine it's all in russian, I don't have cyrylic installed :/ )
- You're not Russian.
- Of course I am. I drink like you, I dance like you, I even sing your songs better than most of you...
- Still, you're not one of us.
- Please tell me, how did you know?
- We don't have black people around these parts....

[Pink_Nipple]

LMAO :D

[S.ifr]

So a guy walks into a bar..
badum ch'!

D:

[the reel joey bevilacqua]

i herd u liek dead baby jokes...

how many babies does is take to paint house?
-it depends how hard you throw them

whats worse then 7 babies nailed to 7 trees?
-1 baby nailed to 7 trees

What gets louder as it gets smaller?
-A baby in a trash compactor.

[synbad2]

What's better than 5 20-year olds?

20 5-year olds....


... *chirp chirp chirp* ...

... It was a joke people.........

{Friend told me it}

...
...
...

Really!!!!!

[N8theGr8]

how many babies does it take to tile a bathroom?
it depends how thin you slice 'em!

A man walks into a gay bar...
CLAaAaAaAang!

[Ranma]

I'm sorta bad at explaining jokes but hoping i can get this one out right!

A man goes to a coffee shop with his buddy and says he's got some bad news.

Man 1: "I just got back from the Doctors office and i got some terrible news.....I found out i'm dying."

Man 2: "..............." (can't speak from shock)

Man 1: "The Doctor told me all those years of phone sex have finally caught up with me.......he says i've contracted.........Hearing Aids"




...............................yeah :P

[nipple]

here's an old Jewish joke

- Abraham, your wife is a whore!
- Well, how about yours?
- But still...

[Jasonbobdude]

Ok why did the dead baby cross the road?



It was stapled to the chicken.

This one is useful in riddle contests against insane pink monorails.

[synbad2]

A blonde was speeding on the highway when a police car pulled her over.

The policeman walks up to the blonde and says "Excuse m'am, could I please see your driving license and registration."

The blonde looks at the policeman angrily and says "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

[nipple]

i've got a similar one

a policeman pulls over a blonde, and asks for her license.
bl: "What is a license?"
pm: "Well, it's a thin thing with your face on it"
bl: "Oh, yes, here" *gives him a mirror*
pm: "Why didn't you tell me you're a policeman too?"

[SquintyMccheese]

Hickory Dickory Dock,
Three mice went up the clock.
The clock struck one,
They called 911,
And the rest escaped with minor injuries.

........yeah

[acutekat]

An Irishman walks out of a bar.... hey it could happen

[synbad2]

An Irishman walks out of a bar.... hey it could happen

http://bestsmileys.com/lol/12.gif

[acutekat]

God invented wiskey to stop the Irish from taking over the earth

[Shuiia]

What do you call a modern day caveman? A WoW player
What do you call a modern day prostitute? A teenage girl
What do you call a modern day Vampire? A faggot
What do you call a modern day Faggot? A Harley Rider
What do you call a modern day Gamer? A BRO
What do you call a modern day Witch? A stripper

[daikaisho vanguard]

Why have the war in Iraq become so dirty?
- Because the took away the Baath

[tapirs!?]

why are pirates actually pirates?
...
because they ARRR

[Shuiia]

Bringing back an old classic :P
A bear and a rabbit were taking a **** in the woods.
The bear turns over to the rabbit and asks:
"Excuse me but do you have a problem with **** sticking to your fur?"
The Rabbit replies:"no"
So the bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his ass with it...

[N8theGr8]

A lawyer and a Narutard are both drowning and you can only save one. What do you do? Go to lunch or read the newspaper?

[scarmullet]

A guy goes hunting and he sees a big bear, he takes his gun and fires it. He misses and the bear starts running towards him, rips his clothes rapes him in the butt. The next day, the hunter goes back and finds the same bear, he fires, misses and the bear rapes him again. The hunter is pissed at this point. He gets a bigger gun, finds the same bear and the same events transpire. Afterwards the bear says "you don't just come out here to hunt do ya?"

A group of gay men are sitting in a tub, a glob of cum floats to the surface. One of them says "Alright, who farted?"

[Shuiia]

Two gay guys stand together in an elevator. One farts. The other sniffs and says:
"Love is in the air ;D"