[Fordi]

Granted, but people must make a big deal about the 3001st post on this thread.

I wish for people to make a big deal about the 3001st post on this thread.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted. But it's eclipsed by the deal they make over the 2.999th post.

I wish I was the Avatar.

[jinzo64]

Granted your now a girl who can't do any decent air bending and somtimes when using wter bending you accidentaly push water in to your breast and increase your boob size.
your also affraid of fire and you find earth bending boring.

I wish I was the primmisiter of england and head of the courts and had the authority to do with the law as I see fit.

[Haar]

Granted, but because of all of your responsibility, people are always bothering you about their problems and never want to do anything on their own.

I wish my cat could talk.

[jinzo64]

Granted but all it talks about is how it hates dogs and wants to have anal with all the others cats on the street.

I wish I had a new cup of coffee.

[Pyroguy44]

Granted but it's lukewarm and will be forever

I wish I could die without regrets

[jinzo64]

I granted you live for ever and ever in the aggony of old age and not being able to do everything you wanted to do with your life.

I wish My Cold would Go away.

[Haar]

Granted, but then you give it to a random stranger in a cafe and then he can't work for a few days.

I wish I had piloting skills on par with Amuro Ray from Mobile Suit Gundam.

[sulta]

Granted, but henceforth every piece of technology you touch will stop working within five minutes.

I wish I had a sandwich that would never be finished, always be tasty, never go bad and always close by.

[Haar]

Granted, but that also applies to when it's eaten and you can never digest it properly. Because of this, each bit grows back as a full sandwich inside of your body and you have to get to a doctor so you can get all of that excess bread removed from your stomach.

I wish I could control America's navy.

[jinzo64]

Granted but it's been downsized due to budget cuts and all you get is this.
http://libbyscakecreations.com/uploads/Mickey-Mouse-themed-grooms-cake-stam-boat-willie.gif

I wish I had a new Angel for another moment of love

[Haar]

^Well, at least I'd have some cake, I guess.That counts for something


I wish I had a new Angel for another moment of love
Granted, but she's a cruel, fallen angel and she feeds off of your emotions in exchange for love.

I wish I had a shape-shifting girlfriend that could look any way I want her to.

[jinzo64]

Granted but she can only chang in to negative version of the person you are thinking off.

I wish I hit a busy time on this site.

[Haar]

Granted but she can only chang in to negative version of the person you are thinking off.
I have a workaround for that; I'll just think of the negative version from the start and she'll become the positive. Of course, that may require a lot of focus.


I wish I hit a busy time on this site.
Granted, but it's so busy, the site crashes due to all of the people on it.


I wish I had a motorcycle.

[jinzo64]

Granted but it's this one
http://www.telovation.com/photos/worlds-smallest-motorcycle-hand.jpg

I wish I was in a relationship

[Haar]

Granted, but it's a long distance relationship with a woman that lives on a different planet, and you can only send each other telegraphs.

I wish I had immortality and could conquer space with my massive fleet of ships and limitless supply of demi-god troops.

[jinzo64]

Granted but after conquering space it's taken of you by a bigger fleet of intersteller ships and fully fledged gods.

I wish I could Help tite Finish Bleach.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted. But the ending sucks even more than it would have if he did it alone.

I wish for cheeky shenanigans

[adzman]

Granted, you get a Irish man named Shenanigan's ass cheeks.

I wish I didn't need sleep to live.

[Haar]

Granted, but you still must occasionally take breaks, or else your focus will go down to ridiculous lows.

I wish I could project my thoughts into reality.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted, but you need at least another six dots of Willpower to do so.

I wish I really did have super awesome psionic powers

[Shuiia]

Granted, your new psionic allows you to flush toilets but only when they are linked all together in the biggest toilet bowl display known to man.

I wish for some Beluga Caviar.

[xIsamuTM]

granted. here's a can. the 1500 it cost will be garnished from your next several paychecks.

I wish people would stop with the Gangnam Style thing already

[Haar]

Granted, but then they come up with something even more mind-numbingly annoying.

I wish I had a car.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted. It's a piece of crap.

I wish I was a wizard, Harry.

[Haar]

Granted, but your magic is piss-weak and your mana pool is so restricted, you can only use your magic 3 times a day. Once a day for big spells.

I wish I was a master of stealth.

[Nick 30075]

Granted, but a mob kills you and your family in fear of you.

I wish I had my Xbox right now.

[adzman]

Granted, but it has the RRoD.

I wish I were an Oscar Mayer weiner.

[Haar]

Granted, but you get devoured by a fat guy.

I wish I had a harem of fightin' women, willing to die in my name.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted... But they fight Alucard 2 hours later, and do all die in your name... Then you die.

I wish Maylene from Black Butler was mai waifu

[Haar]

Granted. You know have a folder with 10 GB of rule 34 of Maylene to go along your fleshlight-equipped body pillow of her. She still isn't a living person, however.


I wish I had some bread.

[thedarkmessenger]

granted *hands Haar some moldy bread*

I wish for some non-moldy bread.

[Nick 30075]

Granted, but then you trip on some stairs and impale yourself on an umbrella before you can eat it.

I wish I had a better internet connection.

[Shuiia]

Granted, you can use your several Gigabyte per second connection speed to transmit to an abandonded Antarctica research facility only.

I wish every game in 2012 wasn't such a big dissapointment.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted. Every game in 2013 is a big disappointment instead.

I wish I wasn't so lethargic all the time.

[Haar]

Granted. You know work so hard, you end up being hospitalized due to exhaustion...and then you still keep trying to work.


I wish I had 2 hearts and four lungs.

[jinzo64]

Granted you have a heart and 2 lungs in a glass jar.

I wish I had my internets in my flat already.

[Haar]

Granted, but it's dial-up.

I wish I had enough parts to make a new computer.

[jinzo64]

Granted you can make a calculater that can only add and subtract.

I wish I was better at making cosplays

[Haar]

Granted, but you can only make them for others, rather than yourself.

I wish I could quickly finish this video I've been working on for most of the morning.

[jinzo64]

Granted but It wasn't worth the effort and you hate it.

I wish I had some more money.

[xIsamuTM]

granted, but it's all Gil, and worthless in the real world (at least you can stock up on potions.)

I wish i wasn't aware of how TRON: Uprising is going to end.

[Haar]

Granted but It wasn't worth the effort and you hate it.
Hilariously enough, you're probably correct. That actually is the case for roughly 70% of the stuff I make.


I wish i wasn't aware of how TRON: Uprising is going to end.

Granted, but it's only because you went brain dead from playing Tron 2.0 for 22 hours straight.

I wish I could finish watching Michiko to Hatchin.

[jinzo64]

granted, but it's all Gil, and worthless in the real world (at least you can stock up on potions.)

I wish i wasn't aware of how TRON: Uprising is going to end.

Granted but now your unaware of it's excistance.


I wish I could finish watching Michiko to Hatchin.

Granted but the ending makes you very depressed and depentant on chocolate.

I wish for my sister to never be i'll again.

[Haar]

Granted, but a stranger grows ill in her place, and you feel at least partially responsible.

I wish I had the ability to cast magic.

[jinzo64]

Granted but you can only cast magic that you've seen in My Little Pony.

I wish I had the powers of a ditto

[Luppi-tan]

Granted. But you can't control them properly, and you end up being more like a Hagunemnon (Dungeons and Dragons Epic Level Handbook)

I wish for Allen and Lou Fa to get together in D.Gray-Man

[jinzo64]

Granted but it end the series.

I wish I was Soifon crossed with Halibel

[adzman]

Granted, but you are immediately raped to death by all the other Bleach-tards.

I wish my hard drive would last for all eternity without failing.

[jinzo64]

Granted but you only have 500kb of memory.

I wish for a wish

[Haar]

Granted, but that wish is simply for a glass of water. You could've gotten anything you wanted, but that's all you got.


I wish I had a farm and some migrants to work on it for me.

[adzman]

Granted, but the migrants are AIDS ridden Ethiopians that don't know **** about farming and die in 2 years.

I wish I wasn't at work.

[Haar]

Granted, but the migrants are AIDS ridden Ethiopians that don't know **** about farming and die in 2 years.
It's a good thing I have some gloves. Now I'll just need a hazmat suit and I can get this temp farm running long enough for me to hire some Mexicans that won't need any farming instructions and won't die on me


I wish I wasn't at work.
Granted. You are now in Brazil. But not the good part of Brazil you see on television with all the wimmins and parties. Rather, you're in the Brazilian ghetto and there's a high chance that you'll get mugged by some kids with guns.

I wish I had a faster computer.

[xIsamuTM]

granted. it runs away from you.

I wish i owned a pot farm/distribution centre run by midget Ood slaves.

[adzman]

Granted, but it is immediately raided by the DEA and you are sent to prison for 3 consecutive life sentences, where you are raped repeatedly by a guy nicknamed "Anaconda".

I wish to sleep happily after my thanksgiving dinner.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted. But you only sleep for three hours

I wish that I didn't have such writer's block.

[Haar]

Granted, but your book ends up being mediocre.

I wish I didn't have editor's block which prevents me from finishing videos quickly.

[jinzo64]

Granted But you can only make videos that lack any sort of quality

I wish I could decide what kind of manga to do

[Luppi-tan]

Granted, but your manga is still fail and AIDS

I wish Evil Dead the Musical would come to my town

[jinzo64]

Granted but your to ill to go to it.

I wish I could be famous.

[Haar]

Granted, but this fame comes at the cost of your sanity, and you become one of those eccentric millionaires.

I wish for the strength of one million men.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted. But you have the intelligence of a rat.

I wish my D&D campaigns didn't get so chaotic.

[Haar]

Granted. They're very boring instead. In fact, they're so boring, only uptight women will play with you, and no one is allowed to make a character that is different than what they'd be like in the situation. In other words, no elves, halfings, gnomes, et cetera. No ridiculously brave strategies or classes based around risk. Everyone is a human archer and it feels like you're playing Call of Duty with arrows.

I wish virtual reality was perfected so I could play some Morrowind in a truly immersive way.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted. But like the Matrix, if you die there, you die for real.

I wish I had a girlfriend.

[Nick 30075]

Granted*2, but they find out about each other and team up and kill you.

I wish that I had an army of heavily armed squirrels with which to take over the world.

[Haar]

Granted, but they turn on you and end up taking over the entire Earth.


I wish I had a deadly broadsword.

[Nick 30075]

Granted, but then you trip on some stairs and impale yourself on it, like the umbrella in Another.

I wish I owned more Magic: The Gathering cards.

[Haar]

Granted, but then some folks steal them from you and beat you up, since they saw you had two Black Lotuses.

I wish I could finish watching some of the anime series I started watching a while ago.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted. But they all suck balls.

I wish I didn't have such a headache

[ThatsNotMyName_studio]

Granted. You are beheaded.
https://dl.dropbox.com/u/56054393/XX%20AMV%20MINI%20UPLOADS%20XX/AMV%20Hell%20forum/ted.png
I wish I could retain more of the Japanese that I learn.

[Anaxander]

Granted, but now you don't know English. 私が言いたいのは、今、あなたは英語がわからない。

I wish I knew why bacon made everything better.





((Edit: Ive been coming here for yeeeeears. Why have I never posted anything on the forum before?))

[SSBOT]

Granted, but now you don't know English. 私が言いたいのは、今、あなたは英語がわからない。

I wish I knew why bacon made everything better.





((Edit: Ive been coming here for yeeeeears. Why have I never posted anything on the forum before?))

Granted, but now you're locked up in Area 51 and being dissected because you found out the secret.


I wish I was fluent in Hangul (Korean).

[Anaxander]

Granted, but now you're locked up in Area 51 and being dissected because you found out the secret.


I wish I was fluent in Hangul (Korean).


Granted, but now you can only hear the lyrics to Gangnam Style.

I wish I knew the next poster's current phone number.

[SSBOT]

Granted, but now you can only hear the lyrics to Gangnam Style.

I wish I knew the next poster's current phone number.

Granted, 677-888-33, but you forgot to ask for the area code number.


I wish I was good at everything.

[Haar]

Granted, but then the entire omniverse challenges you to a massive battle, for the sake of balancing the worlds again. One man can not be good at everything, for he will bring pain and destruction to all those that fail in the areas that he succeeds.

I wish I had the power to enter computers as a digital being.


((Edit: Ive been coming here for yeeeeears. Why have I never posted anything on the forum before?))
Fear?

[Luppi-tan]

Granted. But you aren't able to leave.

I wish I was filthy rich.

[Anaxander]

Granted. But you aren't able to leave.

I wish I was filthy rich.


Granted. You now have 2 billion dollars. Too bad you're private 747 you were piloting went down in the mid-pacific.


I wish someone would give me a fresh taste jar of Nutella.

[VulpesHilarianus]

Granted, but it's filled with a virus that turns you into a zombie.

I wish I was real.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted. But someone else has to die to make you so.

I wish real life physics didn't make God kill catgirls.

[VulpesHilarianus]

Granted, but now it kills physicists.

I wish the mind was more easily corruptible.

[Haar]

Granted, but it's only by a slight amount and still takes a fair amount of effort.


I wish I was Lord of the Speed...which, of course, gives me a Rider belt and suit by default, but I guess that goes without saying.

[Nick 30075]

Granted, you overdose on speed and die.

I wish I had a Servant and could participate in the Holy Grail War.

[Haar]

Granted, but you participate in the anime version of the Holy Grail War, thus everything is rushed and you only get roughly half of the experience you're supposed to.

I wish I were a pilot.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted. But first, you must be apprenticed to a pirate (Pirates of Penzance)

I wish I didn't have work today.

[jujuthewhale666]

Granted, but now you have to go to school......

I wish for 2 fat bitches and a bag of weed and 2 bags of chips to give to the fat bitches.

[Haar]

Granted, but the fat bitches are bitches in the literal since and end up tearing you apart upon smelling your weed. You should've given them some dog food instead of chips.


I wish I could fly.

[stkbayfield]

* Jettisons you in to ZeroG space* Have fun!

I wish there were more hours in the day.

[Haar]

Granted, but your workplace adjusts your hours to fit these longer days, so you end up working for most of that free time.

I wish I knew how to resurrect and enslave the dead.

[jinzo64]

Granted But you have to some how transform in head captain yamamoto.

I wish I had better timing for coming on here.

[Haar]

Granted, but then you realize that you can't really have great timing on a site that's basically dead anyway.

I wish I had an empty safe.

[jinzo64]

Granted but you can't open it to see if it's empty or not.

I wish I wasn't so cold hearted

[Haar]

Granted, but now you show too much sympathy for everyone.

I wish I was without fear.

[jinzo64]

Granted but now you put your life in danger every oppotunity you get.

I wish i was better at spelling

[Haar]

Granted, via the power of Firefox spellcheck (http://kb.mozillazine.org/Spell_checking). Of course, most of your other abilities are now diminished.

I wish I had the strength to wield a great-sword.

[jinzo64]

Granted but it can only hurt the invisable people from a different dimension.

I wish for better friends.

[VulpesHilarianus]

Granted. You now have actual friends. Manipulative, conniving, evil friends.

I wish I could do my artwork faster without losing any of the details I put into it.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted. You don't lose the detail, but you lose quality.

I wish I could cut bullets in twain in midair like Ginji from Black Lagoon

[jinzo64]

granted but you can only do it to bullet bills from mario world.

I wish I was a attractive as Revi from black lagoon.

[Fordi]

Granted, but you're only attractive to a specific hermaphroditic quadriplegic, and you don't know which one.

I wish my son would stop squealing like we've poked him with hot weasels.

[Nick 30075]

Granted, but that's because he's dead.

I wish that a particular idiot on Origin would stop sending me friend requests.

[Haar]

Granted, but then EA bans you for some silly reason.

I wish I could travel through space.

[thedarkmessenger]

granted, but you forget your space suit.

I wish that I could believe I can fly....

[AKALink]

Granted but you die from fall damage.

I wish I have a bottomless bank account.

[Haar]

Granted, but then you are held for ransom, seeing as how you have access to all of this money.

I wish my cat would stop bothering me as soon as I wake up.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted. Now she bothers you before you wake up and wakes you up.

I wish I had a level 5 power like in A Certain Scientific Railgun

[Haar]

Granted. Now she bothers you before you wake up and wakes you up.
Sadly enough, he already does that on certain days.


I wish I had a level 5 power like in A Certain Scientific Railgun
Granted, but it actually turns out to have no practical value and it's tied to the life of a Chinese orphan that you must locate beforehand.

I wish I had a new pair of shoes.

[VulpesHilarianus]

Granted, but they fall apart and burst into flames five seconds later from shoddy Chinese craftsmanship.

I wish they would stop throwing out Gundam series like birdseed at Central Park.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted. Now, it costs tupence a bag.

I wish it was Nine in the afternoon.

[Haar]

Granted, but you randomly fall asleep and can't enjoy it.

I wish Yoshiki Tanaka would grace the world with a new light novel about space politics. Or at least finish Tytania.


I wish they would stop throwing out Gundam series like birdseed at Central Park.
They stopped churning that **** out after SEED anyway. Bandai's new whore franchise will most likely be Code Gay Ass.

[VulpesHilarianus]

Granted, but this book is so confusing the publisher never releases it.

I wish this thread was relevant.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted. But it's boring now. Haha.

I wish Legend of Korra lasted for another season. It was a pretty cool show.

[Haar]

Granted, but it has nothing to do with Korra and is instead about her sidekicks.

I wish I had a pet rock.


I wish this thread was relevant.
The relevance of any thread here is non-existent. All of this nonsense is pointless in the long run, so to be fair, we'd have to make every thread relevant.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted. But the rock falls in the lake and drowns.

I wish the Harry Potter movies didn't make him seem like a whiny little bitch.

[Haar]

Granted. But the rock falls in the lake and drowns.
That will take years, though.


I wish the Harry Potter movies didn't make him seem like a whiny little bitch.
Granted. They remake the Harry Potter movies with new actors, but the production time is twice as long as the first series of movies so they'll have more time to re-write stuff and actually incorporate more of the plot from the books.

I wish I had potential strength of unimaginable proportions.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted. But you can't control it and everyone you touch dies, and everything you touch breaks.

I wish Slenderman was in my personal employ.

[Haar]

Granted, but all of your customers are obsessed with him and forget what sort of business you're up to.

I wish I could draw.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted, but you can only draw mediocre landscapes.

I wish I knew what to wish for.

[Haar]

Granted, but you wasted your wish on figuring out what you wanted, thus making the wish kind of pointless.


I wish I had more time and money.

[ThatsNotMyName_studio]

Granted. Here's your Time and Money...enjoy your magazines.
I wish I had this car:
http://kozmicmotorsports.com/userfiles/image/mitsubishi_evo_x.jpg

[Haar]

Granted. Here's your Time and Money...enjoy your magazines.
I already subscribe to both, luckily. I think I need to renew my subscription to the former, however.


I wish I had this car:
http://kozmicmotorsports.com/userfiles/image/mitsubishi_evo_x.jpg
Granted, but it's merely a small model version of it and you can't actually drive it.

I wish I had intelligence beyond the comprehension of mankind.

[Nick 30075]

Granted, but everyone is scared of you and they stone you to death.

I wish I had some useful superpower.

[Haar]

Granted, but everyone is scared of you and they stone you to death.
Depending on my amount of knowledge, I could simply destroy those that oppose me.


I wish I had some useful superpower.
Granted, but then several super-villains are sent after you so that you can be killed before doing anything with these powers.

I wish I could watch an entire movie in one sitting.

[VulpesHilarianus]

Granted, but that's because you're now a parapalegic.

I wish that Ronnie James Dio had his mind planted in a android's body so that he'd never died.

[Haar]

Granted, but that's because you're now a parapalegic
And so rolls in the government money.


I wish that Ronnie James Dio had his mind planted in a android's body so that he'd never died.
Granted, but he becomes brave and reckless with his new body and incites a revolution with him leading the machines in a war against humanity.

I wish I was better at fighting games.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted. You're so good that nobody wants to play with you, and you get bored of them.

I wish I was rich

[VulpesHilarianus]

Granted, but you invest in the wrong stocks and lose it all the next day.

I wish that more people in America actually know how to drive.

[Haar]

Granted. They know the basics, so they can drive, but not very well.

I wish I had a bottle of water.

[VulpesHilarianus]

Granted, but it has such high mercury content that you have a seizure and get 175,000 dollars in hospital bills.

I wish for a virtual reality headset.

[Haar]

Granted, but it has such high mercury content that you have a seizure and get 175,000 dollars in hospital bills.

Who said anything about drinking the water?


I wish for a virtual reality headset.

Granted, but you get so invested in VR, you can no longer tell the difference between it and actual reality.

I wish I was the greatest sniper the world has ever known.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted. But that doesn't protect you from other snipers.

I wish I was Father O'Malley'O'Connel'O'Carrol'O'Reilly'O'Brien'O'Sull ivan.

[Haar]

Granted, but people never like saying your name and just call you sir instead.

I wish I were brave.

[VulpesHilarianus]

Granted, but that doesn't keep you from getting killed while wrestling a Liger, dressed in buckskins and yelling "For SPARTA!!"

I wish my other wishes were rescinded.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted. But none of them are granted.

I wish I didn't have work so early tomorrow.

[VulpesHilarianus]

Granted. You've been Fired.

I wish I wish I were a fish.

[Haar]

Granted, but you are then caught and gutted by a fisherman.

I wish I were a master angler.

[VulpesHilarianus]

Granted, but my shark children come up on your line and eat you as revenge for gutting me.

I wish the internet belonged to us nerds and techies again.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted. But trolls still exist.

I wish I could get started on my project...

[VulpesHilarianus]

Granted. Saw has taken your family and friends and will kill them and send their body parts to you if you do not get finished in the next 96 hours. Let the game begin.

I wish I wasn't such a procrastinator myself.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted. Now you're trying to do a million things at once. Congratulations.

I wish losing weight was easier.

[VulpesHilarianus]

Granted. I gave you tapeworms.

I wish... aw to hell with it. I wish I actually had something helpful to do rather than sit around here, Newgrounds, and AnimeDreaming all day.

[Haar]

AnimeDreaming.
Granted by you realiziing that streaming anime is completely retarded unless you're in college and can't download torrents without getting arrested.
http://i.imgur.com/pATlZ.png

I wish that I was without reason, logic, or tact, and was a being of pure fury.

[VulpesHilarianus]

You'd be surprised at the video quality they have. Plus, I only go there to get previews of the shows. If I like them I download them later.

As for your wish, granted. You are now a black hole.

I wish I would stop indulging you guys.

[Haar]

You'd be surprised at the video quality they have. Plus, I only go there to get previews of the shows. If I like them I download them later.
I view 480p BD downscales as previews. If you have a computer that can run that stuff, you might as well put it to full use. Also, the whole streaming vs downloading thing isn't just about quality. Of course, I can usually tell whether or not I'm going to hate an anime at first glance anyway. The amount of rage that a show's art style fills me with is a good gauge for how tolerant I'll be of it.


I wish I would stop indulging you guys.
Granted, but then your life becomes very sad and you get bored.


I wish I had the wherewithal to type a worthwhile post.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted. But everyone else is jealous of your talent and your ability, and kill you in a jealous rage

I wish Elliot Stabler was still on Law and Order: SVU

[VulpesHilarianus]

Can't be Granted yet. But in two years he will be back in a special episode.

I wish I had a fun job.

[jinzo64]

Granted but now work 12 hours a daya and 5 days a week

I wish I had a firework that had the intensity of a nuclear bomb

[Haar]

Granted, but you accidentally injure a lot of innocent people that just happened to be in the immediate vicinity.

I wish I were without remorse.

[jinzo64]

Granted but you start killing the innocent as well as the guilty.

I wish I could be here more often.

[Haar]

Granted, but then you realize that this site is nothing special anyway.

I wish people would be slightly more sensible.

[jinzo64]

Granted no ever does anything that would been deemed the oppoiste of sensible ever again - even you.

I wish I had better guns in Boarderlands 2

[VulpesHilarianus]

Granted. The annoying one that sounds like Tiny Tina laughing now sounds like Lewis Black coughing.

I wish that I had my own house again.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted. Your arms look great.

I wish I knew all the lyrics to Des Colores and I'm Proud to be an American.

[jinzo64]

granted but you there the only songs you know how to sing or like to listen to.

I wish I could have my cake and eat it.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted. But you later find out that the cake was a lie.

I wish I could still be an adventurer after I took a crossbow bolt to the knee.

[Haar]

Granted, but then a crowd of people murders you for making that joke.

I wish people would stop relying on image macros during online debates.

[VulpesHilarianus]

Granted, now you rely on obscure movie references.

I wish I had a stress reliever right now.

[Haar]

Granted, now you rely on obscure movie references.
Since when was I afflicted with the curse of communication withdraw?


I wish I had a stress reliever right now.
Granted, but then you go to prison for beating that kid up. Was it really worth it?

I wish I could crush mountains with my fists.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted. You now have Potence 10. But you can't control your strength, and you end up destroying everything.

I wish I had the ability to use fleshcrafting.

[Haar]

Granted, but you're not very good at it, the crafting goes awry, and you end up creating an abomination.

I wish I could get a good charisma roll.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted. But all your other rolls suck.

I wish I could use psionic powers.

[Haar]

Granted, but they're very weak and the most you can manage to do is influence people to scratch their backs, and even that takes 60 seconds of focusing and has a 50% chance of failing.

I wish I had the greatest gun in the world.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted. But it doesn't work.

I wish the D&D world existed in real life.

[Haar]

Granted, but it's very dangerous and you end up dying within a few days of starting your adventure.

I wish that I could live in the world of Buck Rogers.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted. But you're the villain, and you are killed in the first three chapters.

I wish I was the ****ing Avatar!

[acutekat]

Granted, your life is directed by m night shyamalan.

I wish I had a sandwich

[xIsamuTM]

granted. the meat's a little dry.

i wish for an 8-ball of coke, a Brazilian contortionist hooker, and a really fast car.

[jinzo64]

granted the 8 ball of coke is impossable to snort,the hooker kicks you in the nacks and looks like the shes been smakec with an ugly brick and the car is the fastest car from the 1920's

I wish I wasn't such a morron.

[Haar]

Granted, but we're playing by D&D rules and your charisma suffers as a result.

I wish I had a real ninjato
http://i.imgur.com/bSK9S.png

[jinzo64]

granted but it's cursed and every time you touch it you turn in to a random useless anime character.


I wish food would cook it's self.

[Haar]

Granted, but it ends up overcooking and you have to eat burnt food.


I wish I had the power to summon spirits that would fight for me.

[jinzo64]

granted you can summon caterpillers and moles.

I wish I didn't need to pee.

[Haar]

Granted, but you still have to defecate.


I wish for tactical capabilities beyond the comprehension of most mortal men.

[jinzo64]

granted but you can't comprehend your new tactical capabillities either.

I wish to be thin

[Haar]

Granted, but you also become sickly, due to your weight loss.

I wish I had the ability to think twice as quickly.

[tapirs!?]

Granted, but due to much information your brain will overflow, and you will die

I wish I had a pea****

[SquintyMccheese]

Granted, but it turns to green mush when you try to use it.


I wish for two tons of irony.

[Haar]

Granted, but it ends up NOT crushing you like you were expecting, leading to double reverse irony, and your expectations transcending time and space.

I wish I knew what I was talking about.

[EtonDetalernu]

Granted. No one else does.

I wish I may brain again some day good.

[Haar]

Granted, but then the rest of your body collapses from the sudden influx of regained abilities.


I wish I had unlimited potential.

[Shuiia]

Granted, the universe ends :3

I wish I had some free time to catch up on schoolwork, anime, shows and vidya

[jinzo64]

Granted you get all the free time in the world but you end up wasting trying to become a world champion at tiggly winks.

I wish I had a wish which had moral values.

[Haar]

Granted, but then a very loose woman seduces you and drags you over to her corrupt side.


I wish I was the emperor of the Milky Way.

[jinzo64]

Granted you are now emperor of a choclate bar.

I wish for intellegance that surpasses that of brainiac.

[Haar]

Granted, but you go mad from all the data you acquire.


I wish I had eyes in the back of my head.

[SquintyMccheese]

granted your eyes have been moved to the back of your head but now they face inward.

I wish I could preform a hadouken on jinzo.

[BladeGraffiti]

Granted, yet it's effects are only visible to crows and it does no damage whatsoever.

I wish for the omnipotence of the highest form of existence on all planes of reality and parallel dimensions with all undesirable repercussions transferred to the next poster to be bestowed this boon.

[jinzo64]

Granted but your powers only last for 1 second.

I wish to be better at everything.

[Haar]

Granted, but the skills and well-being of your allies suffer.

I wish I was a master of the Ripple.

[VulpesHilarianus]

Granted, but this brings forth all flaws in time to the forefront of your knowledge and you expend you life energy trying to fix all of them at once.

I wish whatever I drew came to life.

[LawRayLiet]

Granted, with every portion of life given, an equal amount is taken from your own.

I wish I never grew tired.

[VulpesHilarianus]

Granted, but now you can never sleep and go mad, along with losing all weight and bone density and dying from pure mental exhaustion.

I wish I could animate using Adobe Flash CS6.

[DetectiveButler]

Granted, but now you can never sleep and go mad, along with losing all weight and bone density and dying from pure mental exhaustion.

I wish I could animate using Adobe Flash CS6.

I will grant your wish, however, you will never be able to animate with any other medium. This includes older and newer versions of flash.

I wish for superior negotiation skills.

[VulpesHilarianus]

Granted, but it only works with pigeons who can't linguistically talk back and only demand more popcorn.

I wish I was finished with my book in its entirety, in its original form I have planned, without any kind of shortcuts, unforeseen complications, nor any kind of typos, typesetting errors, publishing mistakes, book ending mistakes, shipping mistakes, nor advertising mistakes.

[DetectiveButler]

Granted, but it only works with pigeons who can't linguistically talk back and only demand more popcorn.

I wish I was finished with my book in its entirety, in its original form I have planned, without any kind of shortcuts, unforeseen complications, nor any kind of typos, typesetting errors, publishing mistakes, book ending mistakes, shipping mistakes, nor advertising mistakes.

Wish granted, your book is finished as you plan. Oprah bashes the book on live TV destroying your writing career.

I wish String Bean back to life and his murder found by an armed swat team.

[synbad2]

Granted but he is found to be insane and not responsible for his actions

I wish my car wasn't a money pit

[Haar]

Granted. It's destroyed beyond repair.

I wish that people weren't stupid.

[BladeGraffiti]

Granted, the human race expands at an accelerated rate from the unification of minds and kill themselves from a war driven by the difference in scientific opinion.

I wish i had the power to summon attractive female protagonists from any show at whim.

[VulpesHilarianus]

Granted, but said female protagonists realise your omnipotent potential and kill you for it.

I wish they'd stop with stupid moe and harem animes and do an adaptation of Bio-Meat: Nectar.

[Haar]

Granted, but the only anime with a Jojo-tier adaptation is Jojo, and everything else gets compressed to 13 episodes like Zetman.

I wish that I had super powers.

[Zetsubou-Chan]

Granted, you have the powers to kill yourself

I wish I had an apple.

[Haar]

Granted, but it's poisonous and bound to your soul, so you can't give it to anyone else.

I wish I had the capacity for the greatest evil known to men.


Granted, you have the powers to kill yourself
So I have the power of incredibly bravery and foolhardiness. Sounds good enough to me.

[VulpesHilarianus]

Granted, but said evil leaves you feeling cold inside for killing everyone you've ever cared about after you brought them back from the dead and you consume a cyanide pill in your grief.

I wish I had a broken-down '98 Toyota Celica GT-FOUR.

[hero0901]

granted, but you were driving fast and got your car in custody

i wish i could be a time traveler.

[Haar]

Granted, but you go so far in the future that the earth dissipates and you end up crashing into a meteor, leaving you stranded with no way to fix your stuff and return home.

I wish I had the Pick of Destiny.

[xIsamuTM]

granted, but you lose it in a card game. (i mean really, who splits kings?)

I wish i were dead.

[hero0901]

granted, but you have given an another chance ^^

i wish i could be you

[Haar]

Granted, but then you are stuck in his body for all eternity.

I wish I had a suit of titanium armor.


(i mean really, who splits kings?)

The foolhardy?

[VulpesHilarianus]

Granted, but someone hits you with a flame from a hairspray can and a lighter and you take it off and drop it into the ocean.

I wish that someone would sabotage the infrastructure of Apple and end their reign of stupidity.

[hero0901]

granted, but some of the employees decided to make another product of apple.

i wish i was born in japan

[VulpesHilarianus]

Granted, but you are born into a family who lost everything when the economic bubble popped back in the early 1990s and have no house, car, or possessions to your name.

I wish that there was a way to port Forza 4 to the PlayStation 3.

[hero0901]

granted, but only for 1 day and you have to finish the game

i wish i could control the world

[VulpesHilarianus]

Granted, but the North Koreans figure out how to nuke it and that's why it's handed over to you.

I wish I had an edible dancing cupcake that sung nothing but "Round And Round" by Ratt and multiplied whenever I told it to.

[hero0901]

granted, but the cupcake was spoiled

i wish all aliens are friendly

[Haar]

Granted, but due to the sheer vastness of space, you never meet them.

I wish I had a car.

[VulpesHilarianus]

Granted, but as revenge for you pulling me over a few posts prior I slash your tires and urinate in your oil pan, rendering the car immobile.

I wish my cat would stop sitting on my head when she sleeps.

[hero0901]

granted, but due to the not sleeping in the head, she will **** instead ^^

i wish for bringing the dead ALIVE!

[VulpesHilarianus]

Granted, but a George A. Romero-esque Zombie Apocalypse happens and you end up an regretting your decision, albeit slightly so.

I wish I had more Pepsi right now.

[hero0901]

granted, but you died because of kidney stone

i wish for a BIG LUCK

[LawRayLiet]

Granted, all you get is this BIG LUCK Chinese New Year image. And it has a BIG WATERMARK across it.
http://static4.depositphotos.com/1016092/313/i/450/dep_3136000-Big-Luck---Chinese-New-Year.jpg

I wish I could think out loud.

[urahara1001]

Granted, but it only works while you are sexually aroused, and your mother can always hear it no matter where you are.

I wish I had a functional sonic screwdriver.

[thedarkmessenger]

Granted, but the batteries only last long enough for 5 seconds of use, and there are NO rechargeable batteries for the unit. Instead you get to spend $50 per set of proprietary batteries for every use of the screwdriver. Enjoy! :D

I wish I had more motivation to get stuff done.

[Chewi105]

Granted, but the only thing you are motivated to do is manufacture googly-eyes in a factory all the live-long day.

I wish for three more wishes.

[urahara1001]

Granted, but you can only continue to wish for the same thing, three more wishes, resulting in an exponential growth that will create a black wish hole.

I wish people at work would stop calling me about broken **** that isn't mine to fix.

[thedarkmessenger]

Granted, now your boss calls you to tell you you're fired.

I wish I could get a job.

[Haar]

Granted, but you're a mere whore.

I wish my cat would stop staring at me with such great disappointment.

[mattroks101]

Granted, but now the rest of your family stares at your with disappointment instead.

I wish my wish wouldn't get corrupted.

[urahara1001]

Granted. Nothing bad happens to you. You get to just sit there like a pissant, boring and unfunny. Just a totally blank mass of unshapen neutrality. If you die, we'll tell your wife "Hello".

I wish I had more time to get **** done.

[Tazuto]

Granted, you spend half a day just to take a **** in the bathroom.

I wish i knew more than what i dont know.

[Haar]

Granted, but the revelations lead to you going mad.

I wish I had a new CD.

[Tazuto]

Granted but its a CD you get assassinated over.

I wish i could think of better ideas for amv hell clips than simple audio/situation matching and parodying.

[jinzo64]

Granted But You can only make amvs using gangsta movies from the 60's

I wish to be the next avatar.

[Tazuto]

Granted you are now a big blue alien being studied in a lab.

I wish i could go to akihabara

[jinzo64]

Granted but you can only go if your dressed as Godzilla

I wish I was the most awesome anyone has ever been

[Haar]

Granted, but the light that burns twice as bright burns half as long, so you die within 5 seconds of becoming awesome.

I wish I had a Brazilian maid to do my bidding.

[jinzo64]

Granted but she addicted to ebay shopping and bids all your moniez away

I wish I could change in to any form I want to be.

[urahara1001]

Granted, but now the only form you'll ever feel happy as is an eight foot long phallus with herpes.

I wish I had the power to punch people through TCP/IP.

[jinzo64]

Granted but people can rape your through TCP/IP.

I wish for the new Godzilla movie to be awesome.

[PrinnyCat]

The new film is awesome but then spawns several sequels all directed by Micheal Bay and JJ Abrams combined.

I wish I could talk to animals

[CitizenRoman]

You become spokesperson of PETA

i wish i could rule the world

[Distict5-9]

@PrinnyCat: Granted. Turns out that all forms of animal speech translate into the human word "Hey."

@CitizenRoman : Granted. The World pretty much sucks as it is, making it not a very fun thing to rule over...

I wish that I could save each and every one of those "evil" henchmen that the Villain kills off for no reason other than showing how strong and heartless he is.

[Tazuto]

Granted but they all turn on you.

I wish someone would make a doujin of adult hachikuji.

[CitizenRoman]

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZI9rGDQujyA/Uk1AJnQ-RsI/AAAAAAAAOjI/9ZHXhN5NkA0/s0/Monogatari+(Series)+-+Hachikuji+Mayoi+Render+2+%5BMG+Renders%5D.png

Granted, she'll never be your waifu.

I wish i had a time machine to travel back 4 seconds to punch myself in the face for making this wasteful wish.

[Hemi]

Granted, but you get trapped in an eternal loop of punching yourself every 4 seconds.

I wish i didn't heave to pay for gasoline.

[Luppi-tan]

Granted. Enjoy your prison sentence.

I wish Rikka Takanashi was mai waifu!

[!Je$u$!]

Granted. Not really sure what that is but, the second you touch it explodes with napalmy death.

I wish had a new Mother *@#$ing graphics card

[Guthix]

granted. you get a new mother that uses all your graphics cards for masturbation

i wish for a corrupted wish

[Hemi]

Granted, but it comes out to you getting nothing.

I wish I could think of something to wish for

[PrinnyCat]

Granted, but you get amnesia and immediately forget what you wished for/wanted to wish for

I wish for more wishes

[Haar]

Granted, but they all turn out as badly as you'd imagine, given the previous condition presented.

I wish I could speak Portuguese.

[Shuiia]

Granted, you are forever condemned to live in Huezille. In the worst parts imaginable. With no more than a dollar a day for you to spend. Also you lose the ability to speak any other language ever.

I wish my current college course would become interesting.

[Raolin Darkbane]

Granted, but now it's so difficult to understand you'll fail your exams in it.

I wish for more main characters in Anime to be older than 20.

[TicoMachi]

Granted. Now all main characters from all anime are decrepit old people in their 80's or older, most of them bed ridden.

I wish for... something nice!

[urahara1001]

Granted; your genitalia shall be removed, prepared by a gourmet chef, and presented as a very nice dish.

I wish there was a way to gain superpowers without any personal ramifications.

[klingoncowboy4]

Granted but now everyone else has them too making you just ordinary in comparison.

I wish that people would stop using Edwards junk for their Fire Alarm panels!

[Hemi]

Granted, now they are using a different equally junky fire alarm.

I wish that my wish would not be corrupted

[klingoncowboy4]

Only boring wishes are granted


Granted, now they are using a different equally junky fire alarm.

Oh no you can't mean Simplex!!!!!!!!!

I wish for good weather during my week off

[Shuiia]

Granted you must now spend that week on a crate filled with empty bottles and as soon as your foot so much as touches the ground you will be shot through the head.

I wish for more free time so I can give a listen to numerous albums /mu/ recommends

[Kaiju]

Granted, all of the music recommended is now **** for the rest of your life.

I wish I wasn't autistic trash.

[Shuiia]

Granted, you are now plebian trash.

I wish I could get a hold of Low Sunday Ghost Machine.

[Guthix]

Granted, you are now plebian trash.

I wish I could get a hold of Low Sunday Ghost Machine.

granted, but you have to whore yourself in a prison for the rest of your life

i wish the next poster didnt post

[Kaiju]

Granted, then a time paradox occurs where the post occurs anyways.

I wish I was the very model of a modern major general.

[klingoncowboy4]

Granted but modern major generals just aren't what they used to be.

I wish there was a better way to use this site from my phone.

[Shuiia]

Granted, You can browse this website on a phone that won't be released for another 30 years.

I wish I had Unknown Pleasures on vinyl.

[klingoncowboy4]

The rest of your vinyl collection suffers an inexplicable accident and is no longer playable.

I wish my feet would stop hurting

[Shuiia]

The rest of your vinyl collection
>implying I have a vinyl collection
>implying I bought any piece of music that I own ever
Well I do have one Texas album that I got for a birthday and I bought iamamiwhoami's vista single a couple of days ago since there were no high quality rips to speak of.


I wish my feet would stop hurting

Granted, your feet are now gone.

I wish Death Grips would reunite or at least release Jenny Death soon.

[violet555555555]

I wish Death Grips would reunite or at least release Jenny Death soon.

Granted, but then they lose all talent and never release anything ever again.

I with I could meet a girl with real cat ears.

[thedarkmessenger]

Granted, your feet are now gone.


This is the best corrupted wish I have seen this entire thread.

I with I could meet a girl with real cat ears.

Granted, but her cat ears are just a disguise. She's actually a demon wolf craving human flesh....

I wish for a dog.

[klingoncowboy4]

Here you go
http://xfinity.comcast.net/blogs/tv/files/2011/10/dogthebountyhunter.gif

BTW I am keeping my corruption of the cat ears wish
Granted! Here is your new GF
http://www.raising-happy-kittens.com/images/black_cat.jpg


>implying I have a vinyl collection
Knew I shoulda gone with "but you have no way of hearing it" :p


>implying I bought any piece of music that I own ever

No, they could be gifts/inheritance

I wish for chocolate!!!!!!

[thedarkmessenger]

Here you go
http://xfinity.comcast.net/blogs/tv/files/2011/10/dogthebountyhunter.gif

Well...I didn't get the pet I wanted...but at least I have a bodyguard!

I wish for chocolate!!!!!!
http://i.imgur.com/aVmVmii.jpg

I wish for COOKIES!!!!!

[klingoncowboy4]

Granted, now your computer is full of cookie related Spyware.

I wish to be debt free.

[Shuiia]

Granted, You no longer have a debt but in exchange you have to work as a stock broker for the rest of your life.

I wish I could travel to Iceland.

[thedarkmessenger]

Granted, but now you have to live there. Also, global warming has made it finally live up to its name.

I wish global warming would finish off the planet already!

[klingoncowboy4]

Fine bit unfortunately humanity dies 2 weeks before the aliens come to rescue us.

Shuiia gets to go to Iceland but a volcano erupts and now no air traffic can leave.

I wish for a new Canadian govt. In 2015

[FORDboy357]

Granted,

but

http://thepostapoc.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/waterworld.jpg



I wish North Korea would make a move.

[Shuiia]

Granted, they move every single inhabitant to the north of the country.

I wish for more original wishes and corruptions.

[Raolin Darkbane]

Granted, there is now a statistical increase of quality, as judged by a committee of independent individuals, of 0,0001%. Sadly that means only only every 1.000.000st wish/corruption from now on will be more original then the current ration of originality is.

I wish I hadn't spend time posting in this thread.

[TicoMachi]

Granted, instead you have wasted your time in the count to a million thread.

I wish the virtual reality tech from Sword Art Online was real.

[FORDboy357]

Granted, although EA owns all rights.

I wish Twizzlers brought back their sour, bite-size version.

[klingoncowboy4]

Now you cannot purchase any other kind!!!!!

I wish I could muster up the energy to actually finish my stack of manga...

[FORDboy357]

Granted, though you can't retain anything you've read

I wish Hulu didn't have advertisements.

[klingoncowboy4]

There is also no pause button so you get no bathroom breaks

I wish Hulu would work in Canada

[FORDboy357]

Granted but it is completely devoid of anime

I wish America would adopt the metric system

[thedarkmessenger]

Granted, but nobody actually uses it.

I wish America would actually use the metric system.

[Shuiia]

Granted, For years after the first use of the metric system everything built and measured comes out crooked and faulty as **** since no American man, woman or child can immediately accept and understand the glorious superiority that is the metric system.

I wish I could get a part time job.

[Kaiju]

Granted. You whore yourself out for money.

I wish to be a king.

[Haar]

Granted, but your kingdom is filthy and full of crazy people that will only rely on you until they're tired of paying taxes. At that point, they will attempt to violently overthrow you.

I wish I could go to a Sex Machineguns concert.

[Shuiia]

Granted, unfortunately for you they suck live and you constantly have violent bouts of vomiting and diarrhea.

I wish Lacrimosa would perform over here for once.

[klingoncowboy4]

They do but it's near the end of theiron careers and they have lost most of their range.

I wish the cold would go away *sniff sniff*

[Lunaris_Starchilde]

granted. you now have a flu and it's 101*f in the shade.

I wish i had a joint and some gin.

[jinzo64]

Granted you now of a 2 ounce joint of pork and are sitting on the lap of man called gin.

I wish I was supergirl

[pzykosiz]

granted, but have fun on planet krypton

i wish world champion at something

[jinzo64]

granted you are now the world champion of rubbing your eyes with sand paper covered in onion juice.

I wish for lots of gold and shiny stones

[FORDboy357]

Granted, but with your vast amount of precious stones, the value plummets to price of regular stones.

I wish for an incorruptible wish

[urahara1001]

Granted. You now wish to become a republican oil lobbyist from Texas. That's already just about as corrupt as you can get. Also unoriginal, as that wish has been done before.

I wish for satanic level rock and roll guitar ability.

[FORDboy357]

Granted but you can only play rhythm for nickelback

I wish money were rendered obsolete and transactions were based on trust and trade

[Haar]

Granted, but people are inherently bad, so they'll screw you out of your money when you aren't looking.

I wish someone would buy me an android wife.

[Sir Fluffykins]

I wish someone would buy me an android wife.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/f5/Futurama_ep67.jpg

I wish for a...hmmmm....A BUNNY GIRL WIFE

[urahara1001]

Granted but you can only play rhythm for nickelback


Guilty pleasure, I actually don't mind Nickelback, and I'm man enough to admit it. So this works okay for me.

@Haar: Granted. You get an Asimo with a fleshlight attachment. It has no AI, so it's not going to move without being programmed, and it goes too slow so that it only causes arousal but won't get you off.

Edit: Well, seems I got beat on Haars, but it amused me so I'll leave it up there.

@Fluffy: Granted. You get Bugs Bunny in a dress, and are turned into Elmur Fudd.

I wish I had a throng of Japanese hookers I could pimp out to make me some damn money. And I'll give each of you freebies to keep the cops off my back.

[Sir Fluffykins]

*EDIT* That's....better?

[urahara1001]

You posted 6 minutes after me, you get jack sh*t!

Well excuse me, but some of us are white and employed. I can slack off to a certain degree, but I can't help being interrupted from typing when I get a call.