[Sir Fluffykins]

I said that's better, 5 minutes ago, geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez!!11

[Shuiia]

I wish I had a throng of Japanese hookers I could pimp out to make me some damn money. And I'll give each of you freebies to keep the cops off my back.

Granted, they are all impure Hitomi Tanaka tier landwhales and they constantly nag you for **** in Japanese. Even better, they are hardcore feminists and refuse to shave. Anywhere...

I wish iamamiwhoami's new album would release this month instead of the next and that she makes a stop over here during her tour.

[FORDboy357]

You think Hitomi Tanaka is a whale?

[Shuiia]

You think Hitomi Tanaka is a whale?

Have you seen the size of her?

[FORDboy357]

Have you seen the size of her?
She's 5'1" and 110 lbs. That's nowhere near whale territory

[Shuiia]

She's 5'1" and 110 lbs. That's nowhere near whale territory

heh, maybe not in **** aesthetics land.

[jinzo64]

She isn't whale but her bust is.




I wish iamamiwhoami's new album would release this month instead of the next and that she makes a stop over here during her tour.

Granted but all her songs are duets with either miley cyrus or justin beiber


I wish, for a wish an impossible wish

[Sir Fluffykins]

iamamiwhoami's album does release, except it's a even newer album about Hitomi Tanaka landwhales.

*EDIT* Too late

@Jinzo. You get your impossible wish, only to claim it you have to find 7 clues to 7 puzzles located in 7 unknown location around the world and beat the 7 bosses.

I wish Rainbow Stalin replaced the real stalin in history

[FORDboy357]

She isn't whale but her bust is

Not really her fault. She's all natural and I doubt there's many options for reduction surgery in Japan.

heh, maybe not in **** aesthetics land.
You like tall and bony, huh?

[jinzo64]

it was just some playful banter ford. next time I'm being playful I'll add an XD to confirm it.

personally I think she's rather attractive.

[FORDboy357]

She's very cute. Her breasts are a bit too big but...
http://tapatalk.imageshack.com/v2/14/09/30/cfac1dd5a875a114a0fb5c755e4ea42f.jpg

[Sir Fluffykins]

Stop crying about some whore and corrupt my wish damnit!

[FORDboy357]

Stop crying about some whore and corrupt my wish damnit!
http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lt70qmM9I81qcs993o1_500.gif

Anyway

Granted, although MechaHitler is also in power

I wish short hair was more popular on women

[Sir Fluffykins]

Short hair is popular on women, it's long hair that's dying out

YOUR WISH GRANTED! ALL Woman have short pubic hair

I wish more woman had waist long pony tail hairstyles.

[FORDboy357]

YOUR WISH GRANTED! ALL Woman have short pubic hair

http://tapatalk.imageshack.com/v2/14/09/30/db2c5226fd1a4fac3b7138cd023f8208.jpg

[CitizenRoman]

granted, unfortunately, all of them get their scalps ripped off by getting them caught in things.

I wish to be the best pokemon trainer.

[Shuiia]

You like tall and bony, huh?
No, just aesthetically pleasing.


granted, unfortunately, all of them get their scalps ripped off by getting them caught in things.
I wish to be the best pokemon trainer.

Granted, you are now Autismus Maximus.

I wish social media would just **** off already.

[FORDboy357]

No, just aesthetically pleasing

****'s relative, bro.

[CitizenRoman]

Granted, facebook has had their way with you and you become pregnant and out comes... https://ello.co/

I wish 'murica was out of this recession.

[FORDboy357]

Granted, though with the advent of world war 3, ww2-style rationing is implemented

I wish I knew Japanese

[jinzo64]

Granted in your previous live you were a Japanese scholar.

I wish to be a funnier person

[FORDboy357]

Granted, though you are cripplingly depressed.

I wish Urban Outfitters and Jezebel would go away and die

[urahara1001]

Granted, but they shall die in your closet.

I wish the damn skunk that keeps skulking around my house at night would go with Urban Outfitters and Jezebel and die in Ford's closet.

[ChronosAlmighty]

Granted, the skunk dies too. A giant Boa Constrictor takes the skunk's place.

I wish I stopped getting migraines.

[FORDboy357]

Granted, but you get a fatal aneurysm.

I wish I could find a better job

[jinzo64]

Granted you find a better job in the sense it pays better and has better benefits but the job is giving prostate exams to elephants.

I wish I didn't have to sleep

[Ultima]

Granted. You are now always tired and you will now slowly go insane.
I wish for Haar to stop linking me weird ****.

[Hemi]

Granted. Someone else starts linking you weird **** instead.

I wish the burning barrel didn't explode in my face. (btw... I live in rural PA, burning our garbage is common)

[klingoncowboy4]

Granted, but next time demons attack you (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1Hlemf_OAQ) you'll be sorry!!!!!

I wish I would stop feeling so damn nostalgic

[FORDboy357]

Granted, you lose touch with your childhood and forget what happiness is.

I wish Chinese food was healthy

[jinzo64]

Granted but every time you eat healthy food you gain 14 pounds in weight.

I wish upon a star.

[urahara1001]

Granted. You are placed upon a star in order to make your wish. This of course leads to being incinerated and crushed by gravity almost instantaneously.

I wish the zombie apocalypse would just happen already.

[ChronosAlmighty]

Granted. These particular zombies are characterized as fanatically watching and talking about nothing but JEM.

I wish I could, at will, understand and speak every language that exists, existed and will exist.

[FORDboy357]

(That last corruption made me laugh)

Granted, you also think in every language simultaneously.

I wish you could settle financial debt by combat

[thedarkmessenger]

(That last corruption made me laugh)

Granted, you also think in every language simultaneously.

I wish you could settle financial debt by combat
Granted. You die in combat against the collection agency, and the debt caused by your funeral is added to your current debt and then transferred to the afterlife's government offices. Have fun with that.

*edit* I wish I could edit posts with my mind....

[Shuiia]

Granted, they now come out garbled as **** and full of cryptic messages of your deepest desires, fears and secrets.

I wish Jenny Death would release already.

[urahara1001]

Granted. I don't know what Jenny Death is and can't be arsed to google it right now, so I'm just gonna say that your dick flies off and lands in the mouth of a woman speaking at a feminist rally, who all then do unspeakable things to it.

I wish Steam games were all 100% DRM free.

[ChronosAlmighty]

Granted. All Steam games now lack DRM technology. Instead, all Steam games come with impossible-to-remove computer viruses and are so terribly made overall that you don't even want the games anymore, let alone alter them.

I wish I had a full-time job in my field I liked.

[FORDboy357]

Granted, unpaid internship.

I wish my N64 was 1080p

[PrinnyCat]

Granted, but now the only game it ever accepts is Superman 64

I wish that public transport didn't suck so much

[Shuiia]

Honey, you ain't seen **** until you've been over here.

in regards to your wish: granted, it is now expensive as all hell and you'd have to share your train with overweight Man. United fans.

I wish I could get a part-time job.

[Hemi]

Granted. You work the street corner.

I wish to be myself

[FORDboy357]

Granted. You're a boring turd.

I wish there were more single, attractive women living near me who have shared interests.

[Shuiia]

Granted, they want nothing to do with you you beta.

I wish several albums which I'm excited for would release a bit earlier.

[Zetsubou-Chan]

Granted, they get sold out immediately.

I wish for a jar of Vegemite.

[FORDboy357]

Granted. Mislabeled Marmite

I wish I could think of a wish

[CitizenRoman]

Granted. You think too hard, your wish becomes obsolete.

I wish for october 4 to come by faster.

[FORDboy357]

Granted. Time accelerates uncontrollably and you miss Hell 7 along with the rest of your life in a fraction of a second.

I wish I was a woman but with my current mind and mannerisms.

[Lunaris_Starchilde]

granted, you're 350lbs, 4'3" and sound like ethel merman.

I wish for the middle east to be turned into a giant sheet of glass, and for big oil to take over all the remaining good spots.

[Shuiia]

Granted, they get sold out immediately.

>digital copies selling out
>buying music
You should only do that if you're buying vinyl.


I wish for the middle east to be turned into a giant sheet of glass, and for big oil to take over all the remaining good spots.

Granted, it is turned into a giant sheet of glass where great vistas are created and massive cities and skyscrapers are erected kicking the ass of the entire world. Nobody is allowed in or out of it or trade with it. Big Oil gets a temporary spot but they go bankrupt because of the massive fees that they are subjected to.

I wish for more rice crackers.

[urahara1001]

Granted, but coming from this site it's naturally translated as a racial slur, so you get a bunch of chubby half-asian half-white feminist bitches following you around complaining about everything you do.

I wish I had something decent in the house to eat.

[ChronosAlmighty]

Granted. It's YOU!!!!!

I wish for frozen peas.

[FORDboy357]

Granted, smashed by Jolly Green Giant

I wish I had reliable internet

[urahara1001]

Granted, but it's only able to connect to home shopping network. Otherwise it's reliably disconnected.

I wish I hadn't watched the Time Warp Challenge.

[ChronosAlmighty]

Granted. Your memory and experience of Time Warp has been transferred from you to me. Thanks a lot. Your end will *not* be swift. Just know that testicle removal and a series of paper cuts will be involved.

(Seriously, your wish specifically made me curious enough to watch it immediately after I read that. "How bad could it be…?")

I wish I could undo the last 15 minutes of my life.

[DXM]

Granted!

*stomps CA's into a cinder block*

I wish for a good AMV mini challenge!

[Shuiia]

Granted, it is never released.

I wish people would stop saying how "OMG XDDDD" excited they are for 7 and do something constructive with their lives.

[NLAlchemist]

Granted, The ppl start building more nukes and start WWIII.

I wish for world peace.

[FORDboy357]

Granted, the world becomes uninteresting and suicide rates skyrocket

I wish my dog could let himself out to piss and ****

[urahara1001]

Granted. Your memory and experience of Time Warp has been transferred from you to me. Thanks a lot. Your end will *not* be swift. Just know that testicle removal and a series of paper cuts will be involved.

(Seriously, your wish specifically made me curious enough to watch it immediately after I read that. "How bad could it be…?")

I wish I could undo the last 15 minutes of my life.

My work here is done.


Granted, the world becomes uninteresting and suicide rates skyrocket

I wish my dog could let himself out to piss and ****

Granted. Your dog is now capable of teleporting through walls. That also means it can come into your room any time it wants and bite your crotch, which it will do frequently now.

Also, you will realize that seeking magical wish-granting means of doing this is a lot more hassle than simply going out and buying a door with a collar activated dog door. Which they totally have.

I wish I had the power to kinetically engorge women's breasts to any specified desired size any time I want.

[praxix]

granted, however the pooling of blood in creating larger beasts which in turn causes floppy pancake boobs when the blood subsides and breast cancer. now all women have had a double mastectomy and thus no more boobs.

I wish the us government actually had the people's best interests in mind

[Hemi]

Granted, things are now worse than before because of conflicting interests and it causes a second US Civil War.

I do not have a wish. (Just try to corrupt that!)

[thedarkmessenger]

Granted, things are now worse than before because of conflicting interests and it causes a second US Civil War.

I do not have a wish. (Just try to corrupt that!)

Granted. Your punishment for breaking the rules of the thread (you're required to make a wish, even if you don't want to) is that you are now banned from communicating using words in any way, shape, or form. That means no talking, texting, yelling, singing, writing, etc....oh, and animal sounds count as words now, so you can't hiss or growl or anything either. Good luck with your interpretive dancing or whatever.

I wish Hemi didn't have to break the rules and therefore bring this punishment upon himself.

[Hemi]

Granted, but I can now have my freedom back

I wish that more corruptions could be this fun

[ChronosAlmighty]

Granted! Every time a wish gets corrupted, an angel gives you 1000 lashes. You find being lashed fun, right? :D

I wish I was an accordion.

[FORDboy357]

Granted, set on fire Hendrix-style and smashed Townshend-style by Weird Al Yankovic.

I wish I had complete control over time.

[ChronosAlmighty]

Granted. You gain complete control over time, but lose control of your bodily functions. Your piss, vomit, and fecal matter randomly appear across time, to the confused despair of all who encounter its sudden appearance.

I wish I could unhinge my jaw like a snake.

[thedarkmessenger]

Granted. You gain complete control over time, but lose control of your bodily functions. Your piss, vomit, and fecal matter randomly appear across time, to the confused despair of all who encounter its sudden appearance.


"confused despair". I love that xD

I wish I could unhinge my jaw like a snake.

Granted. Have fun being unable to put it back to how it was before. :D

I wish I could spit poison like a snake.

[FORDboy357]

Granted. You have no immunity to it

I wish Friday work days were only 4 hours but I still get paid for 8

[thedarkmessenger]

Granted. You have no immunity to it

I wish Friday work days were only 4 hours but I still get paid for 8

Granted. To make up for your 8 hours of pay for 4 hours of work, Mondays are now "work 12 hours for free or find another job" days.

I wish I never made a wish....ever.

[ChronosAlmighty]

Granted. Instead, when anyone else makes a corrupted wish, the corrupted parts happen only to you.

*twitch*IWISHFORMORECAFFEINE!!!!!!*twitch*

[thedarkmessenger]

....there seems to be a lot of ninja'ing in this thread whenever I join in xD

[ChronosAlmighty]

I saw you had already answered the wish before I was done making a reply, so instead I just altered my response to your wish instead. No harm meant.

[thedarkmessenger]

I saw you had already answered the wish before I was done making a reply, so instead I just altered my response to your wish instead. No harm meant.

I wasn't trying to imply you were hurting me in any way. It's a minor annoyance at best (and not even your fault neccesarily), and pretty funny even with the minor annoyance.

Besides, it was MY post that went through first, so technically I would've been the one harming you :p

anyway, back on topic....
Granted, you get more caffeine. Now you're so energetic, that the pyshical realm can no longer hold your energy and you transcend to a higher plane....

...and by "higher plane" I mean "the demon realms". Enjoy your new masters :D

I wish I was AWESOME.

[ChronosAlmighty]

Granted. You're awesome. You ascend to the Demon Realms as well, where apparently, "awesome" translates to "**** magnet." They love making you awesome.

I wish humans would colonize other worlds.

[urahara1001]

Granted. And they'll **** them all up just as bad as they have this one.

I wish that all women wore a hat that, when they say something but think something else, the hat yells out what it is they're actually thinking.

[Lunaris_Starchilde]

granted. now every women just tells you outright that they'd rather **** a cactus.

I wish that wendy's fries didn't get all nasty by the time you get them home.

[urahara1001]

granted. now every women just tells you outright that they'd rather **** a cactus.


http://cdn.chud.com/9/91/914dd09e_han-i-can-arrange-that.jpeg

[ChronosAlmighty]

granted. now every women just tells you outright that they'd rather **** a cactus.

I wish that wendy's fries didn't get all nasty by the time you get them home.

Granted. Not only do they not get nasty by the time you get home, you soon realize that they actually taste *better* the longer you refrain from eating them. What you *didn't* realize was that Wendy's fries are now doused in chemicals that, even when inhaled in extremely small doses, permanently warps your ability to perceive bad-tasting food, as well as encourage brain cell necrosis. You never could quite figure out why Wendy's employees were all wearing HAZMAT suits...

I wish my work was always this easy.

[Shuiia]

Granted, you do your work so easily and fast that you get promoted to an executive function. When that doesn't work out you're fired without a second thought and since you were such a high profile individual no one hires you anymore and you're forced to live on the streets for the rest of your life.

I wish I had my week of from college already.

[FORDboy357]

Granted. During your week off, a computer error changes all your grades to perfect 100's, you are accused of cheating and then expelled. Enjoy the rest of the semester off.

I wish my boss was out of the office every day. This is so nice.

[Haar]

Granted, but he hires a body double to take his place there so no one notices and it's as if nothing actually changed.

I wish that I was a Malkavian vampire.

[Ultima]

Granted. You're now captive to the guy who defeated you.
I wish I had the power to change fate.

[Haar]

Granted, but fate doesn't actually exist, and is but a myth composed by superstitious crazies to trick their kids into not questioning their terrible lives, so your power was something you had all along anyway.


I wish that the voices in my head stopped making fun of me.


Granted. You're now captive to the guy who defeated you.
Who can defeat a vampire of my caliber and magnitude?

[FORDboy357]

Who can defeat a vampire of my caliber and magnitude?

http://tapatalk.imageshack.com/v2/14/10/15/72dfe526047953739bc7ae6ca65af42d.jpg

[Shuiia]

http://tapatalk.imageshack.com/v2/14/10/15/72dfe526047953739bc7ae6ca65af42d.jpg
That's cute...
http://i.imgur.com/9FTeXt7.jpg
and don't forget his little bitch
http://i.imgur.com/b9cZzxI.jpg



I wish that the voices in my head stopped making fun of me.


Granted, they now constantly whine and bitch saying that you need to stop being such an edgelord.

I wish I had a bit more disposable income.

[ChronosAlmighty]

Granted. Now you have lots of disposable cash, but it's apparent to anyone within a 100-yard radius that you have large amounts of disposable income. As a result, you get robbed substantially more often, suffering multiple injuries. At least you have the money to pay for all your medical bills.

I wish I could drop anvils on people at will.

[FORDboy357]

Granted. Acme brand.

I with the discs in my spine were made of polyurethane

[urahara1001]

Granted, but it's cheap polyurethane made thin with only enough support to sustain your spine at its current shape with its current stress. As soon as you go to carry any significant weight, they'll all collapse and you'll be left in a crumpled heap of pain and most likely paralysis.

I wish I was immune to to all ailments (diseases, disorders, infections, parasites, etc).

[ChronosAlmighty]

Granted. Soon after getting such immunity, you are kidnapped and are subject to a barrage of excruciatingly painful experiments. Said experiments result in an engineered disease that wipes out the vast majority of the planet's inhabitants. As an added dick move, before ultimately cutting you loose, your kidnappers reveal to the remaining inhabitants it's *your* immune system that made the construction of the disease possible. Soon, all sorts of people are hunting you- some for misplaced vengeance, some for a misguided hope for a cure, and some just because they think stalking you would be fun. How long will you last?

I wish I had some popcorn.

[FORDboy357]

Granted. Burnt popcorn.

I wish I was immune to pain.

[Lunaris_Starchilde]

granted. your paralyzed.

I wish i had bigger boobs.

[Haar]

Granted. They're so big, you now have to perform daily exercises to prevent back pain.

I wish I could fully convert myself into a mechanical being.

[FORDboy357]

Granted. They're so big, you now have to perform daily exercises to prevent back pain.

I wish I could fully convert myself into a mechanical being.

Granted. All prosthetics made from asbestos.

I wish, if my leg is amputated below the knee, that I had one of those carbon fiber blade prosthetics.

[urahara1001]

Granted. Soon after getting such immunity, you are kidnapped and are subject to a barrage of excruciatingly painful experiments. Said experiments result in an engineered disease that wipes out the vast majority of the planet's inhabitants. As an added dick move, before ultimately cutting you loose, your kidnappers reveal to the remaining inhabitants it's *your* immune system that made the construction of the disease possible. Soon, all sorts of people are hunting you- some for misplaced vengeance, some for a misguided hope for a cure, and some just because they think stalking you would be fun. How long will you last?


See, now that just sounds awesome. The vast majority of the planet's inhabitants are asshole anyway.


Granted. All prosthetics made from asbestos.

I wish, if my leg is amputated below the knee, that I had one of those carbon fiber blade prosthetics.

Granted. You have the blade runner leg and can run really well. Like, REALLY well. So well in fact that nothing in the world feels better to you than running. Sitting, sleeping, eating, ****ing, it just can't compare to that runner's high. So you start running. And keep on running. And keep on running. And just don't ever stop. Because you CAN'T ever stop. You've got to just keep going. You can only eat what you can catch and consume while running. You can only drink if handed a drink as you run, and you're going to be continuously ****ting and pissing your pants while you run, and no stopping to change. Eventually you will die from exhaustion.

I wish I could pause and restart time at will, with no limitations, and no untoward effects on myself while I do so.

[FORDboy357]

Granted. You control time but not space. Have fun floating through the cosmos for the rest of your very brief life.

I wish Marvel Studios got the rights to X-Men and made solo films for Quicksilver and Deadpool (R-rated of course)

[ChronosAlmighty]

Granted. They get the rights for the X-Men movies and makes solo films for Quicksilver and Deadpool. Marvel Studios also decides that "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" is the right direction for their new movies to go.

I wish I didn't feel so cold.

[FORDboy357]

Granted.
http://tapatalk.imageshack.com/v2/14/10/17/e071aec5855ad09cbf656540d513f9f2.jpg

I wish I lived somewhere with better internet service

[SleeplessPanda]

Granted but you can't afford it. (I couldn't think of anything better.)

I wish cats could talk. :party:

[Combou]

Granted but you meet with an accident and become deaf.

I wish my house could clean itself.

[Haar]

Granted, but it charges you more than a maid would.

I wish my Korean arcade machine parts would arrive faster.

[urahara1001]

Granted. They shall instantly be accelerated to light speed with the vector of their movement heading straight for your current location. They'll essentially become a beam of plasma travelling at that speed, burning a hole straight throught everything between them and you, including the earth. Also, trying to slow down instantly from that speed is pretty much going to atomize them as soon as they arrive. But for a brief instant, they will have been there.

I wish it wasn't so damned difficult to fall asleep. Not an increase in the frequency or.duration of how much I sleep, just easier to get my mind to switch over from awake mode to sleep mode when I do lay down in the evening.

[FORDboy357]

Granted. Acute narcolepsy.

I wish Android was more open source and updates made more easily available for older devices.

[Dirk_Pitt]

Granted. Acute narcolepsy.

I wish Android was more open source and updates made more easily available for older devices.

Granted. Now there are a hundred thousand versions of the same damned OS. Good luck with customer service!


I wish for nothing and everything... at the same time!

[urahara1001]

Granted. But I don't have the time to listen to you whine about them. Also, you are now one of those melodramatic fools. The kind who are neurotic to the bone. No doubt about it.

I wish it were possible to reheat rice in the microwave in a way that didn't make it taste like ****.

[thedarkmessenger]

Granted. But I don't have the time to listen to you whine about them. Also, you are now one of those melodramatic fools. The kind who are neurotic to the bone. No doubt about it.

I wish it were possible to reheat rice in the microwave in a way that didn't make it taste like ****.

Granted, and it will only cost you $1,000,000,000 per grain!

I wish life wasn't so damn expensive...

[FORDboy357]

I wish it were possible to reheat rice in the microwave in a way that didn't make it taste like ****.

Real talk: add a bit of butter

[SleeplessPanda]

Granted, and it will only cost you $1,000,000,000 per grain!

I wish life wasn't so damn expensive...

Granted, the need for currency is eliminated along with the earthly desires of men. The entire world now lives like Buddhist monks, you'll never experience the delights of the modern age again.

I wish I could transport anywhere I wanted at will.

[thedarkmessenger]

Granted, the need for currency is eliminated along with the earthly desires of men. The entire world now lives like Buddhist monks, you'll never experience the delights of the modern age again.

I wish I could transport anywhere I wanted at will.

Granted, you can now transport anywhere you want via deathly-ill camel by will.

I wish I could teleport anywhere I wanted at will.

[FORDboy357]

I wish I could teleport anywhere I wanted at will.

Granted, though you haven't quite figured out how to restructure yourself once teleported.

I wish I made more money doing things I love.

[Raolin Darkbane]

Granted, you now love earning money.

As according to Buddha Gautama desire is the origin of all pain, I actually wish, this would come to happen:

Granted, the need for currency is eliminated along with the earthly desires of men. The entire world now lives like Buddhist monks, you'll never experience the delights of the modern age again.

[thedarkmessenger]

Granted, you now love earning money.

As according to Buddha Gautama desire is the origin of all pain, I actually wish, this would come to happen:

Granted, you are now free from any and all desires....except for the desire to be free from any and all desires. Don't know how you still have that particular desire, but you do. Have fun with that!

I wish I could have fun with "that".

[SleeplessPanda]

^Can you be more specific? I'm not sure what you're wishing for.

[thedarkmessenger]

^Can you be more specific? I'm not sure what you're wishing for.

"that" :D

[SleeplessPanda]

"that" :D

Okay .. you have fun with "that", "that" being a rattlesnake. You played hide-and-seek with it for hours before it suddenly bit your big toe and you died.

I wish my dreams would be recorded on a magical television so I could watch them when I wake up.

[FORDboy357]

Okay .. you have fun with "that", "that" being a rattlesnake. You played hide-and-seek with it for hours before it suddenly bit your big toe and you died.

I wish my dreams would be recorded on a magical television so I could watch them when I wake up.
Granted, they are complete nonsense.

I wish my wish wouldn't come true.

[thedarkmessenger]

Granted, they are complete nonsense.

I wish my wish wouldn't come true.

Granted, your wish to have everything you've ever wanted does not come true, and you are instead doomed to an eternity of never having anything except pain and misery. Enjoy!

I wish I had more happy in my life.

[urahara1001]

Granted. Everyone around you becomes extremely, extremely happy. You yourself are still miserable, but other people are in your life, so their happiness is in yours. What's more, they're all so happy they're to the point of utterly grating on your nerves. And the fact that you are so miserable the other people's happiness causes you pain just makes you more miserable.

Or maybe that's just too similar to what you have now. In which case, you can be happy, but every time you are, an old ugly chinese woman will show up and slam an encyclopedia on your testicles.

I wish my neck would stop hurting today.

[thedarkmessenger]

Granted, now everything but your neck is hurting.

I wish I had more funny in my life :D

[itschickenscratch]

Granted, but it's only jokes that were relevant in the year 200 BC.
I wish for all the garlic bread I can eat.

[redeadlink]

you get it, but it's burnt.

I wish for money to go to school again.

[SleeplessPanda]

Granted but it's in Monopoly cash.

I wish I wasn't afraid of heights.

[FORDboy357]

Granted but it's in Monopoly cash.

I wish I wasn't afraid of heights.
Granted, you're now afraid of lows (not just altitude: numbers, temperatures, and volumes)

I wish I had a better boss

[ChronosAlmighty]

Granted. You are the boss of a multibillion dollar corporation. Each year, without fail, you give yourself a generous raise at the expense of your employees and company. While it doesn't take long for them to realize what you've done, it does take them quite some time to change from staging protests to forming a massive lynch mob strong enough to overcome your legion of (poorly paid) personal security. In your last moments before death, you notice several of your security force among the mob and wonder why they let the mob through.

I wish I invented a technology that had widespread usage that benefited the entirety of humanity.

[urahara1001]

Granted. You invented fire. Your invention allowed humanity to survive the harshness of the wilderness during our early development and to this day continues to serve us, not to mention it spearheaded our advancement into science. Unfortunately, you died long ago, so good luck trying to reap the rewards now.

I wish everybody would calm the **** down.

[FORDboy357]

I wish everybody would calm the **** down.

Granted

http://www.equilibriumfans.com/Equilibrium-LobbyCards-PL02.jpg

I wish Top Gear UK was on year round

[Shuiia]

Granted but it suddenly becomes an actual decent show about cars to watch and you lose all interest.

I wish it was wednesday already.

[ChronosAlmighty]

Granted, it's Wednesday already. Due to your impatience in waiting for Wednesday to come, however, the wait feels much worse than it would have been otherwise. This has led you to make some rather hasty actions. No one really questioned that you were trying to kill time, but you couldn't satisfactorily answer to the police why doing so involved loading an elderly, bearded man, a calendar and a clock into a trebuchet and firing it. You no longer wish it was Wednesday already; now you wish it is 2050 already.

I wish I could fire a trebuchet at will with impunity.

[urahara1001]

Granted. I don't know who Will is, but you can fire upon him all you want. However, you'd better make it count, because he's now a 20' giant and is most likely going to withstand the projectile and kick your ass as soon as you fire it.

I wish the breasts of every woman on the planet would assume or reassume attractive firmness, go up a cup size, and stay that way.

[ChronosAlmighty]

Granted. Right before your wish is granted, a binding resolution passes unanimously at the United Nations, and all nations immediately adopt it. A key sentence in the resolution reads: "All people registered as either male or female will have their sex legally reversed, effective immediately." Said binding resolution also has the side effect of altering who is affected by your wish; hopefully, Thai hookers are your sort of thing.

I wish I had the combined strength and flexibility of Gumbercules.